I now must tell you about the best sex dream I ever had. I was at a library (one of my favorite things!) and Viggo Mortensen (another one of my favorite things!) came in and bent me over a desk (consensually) and hoody hoo! Then he gave me his phone number and left. I woke up feeling like I’d just smoked the best weed…

Plus, the whole point of talking about a childhood crush as an adult is to acknowledge how silly and ridiculous it was, not to make it happen.

He looks like an older Daniel Craig (which is weird because Daniel Craig has an old face).

Around here, we call that kind of sex “skinny repeal.” It’s not what you promised, it’s not what you were hoping for, no one is really satisfied, and you know it will lead to big problems in the future ... but maybe better than nothing?

This is way off topic but it’s a story I feel only you Jezzies will appreciate.

Hey @ChloeGMoretz - let’s set up a date. The crush is mutual.

“What did you do to make him do that?”

I’m so sorry that happened to you, but your response makes perfect sense. You were on a deserted street, a man (very likely stronger than you) assaulted you, your brain short circuited everything else and told you to get out of a dangerous situation as quickly and safely as possible and the biggest part of that was…

This is the best:

Seriously, I am so proud of her responses. These questions are dumb as fuck and her replies are perfect.

That happened to me at a bar when I was in my early 20s too. I, too, was sober at the time. I was so taken aback, I spun around and backhanded the guy across the face. The guy then had the balls to call me a bitch, so I pushed him away from me and told him to go fuck himself. I was quite shy at the time, and weighed…

Sorry this happened to you. It’s no consolation, of course, buy it’s so common that it’s one of the reasons my mom used to get me to stop bitng my nails. She sat me down and explained that girls needed all the weapons they could get against gropers including their nails.

Thank you! I hope this signals the end of Jezebel’s Shit on Swift Festival. I din’t see the eternally blameless Kimye donating $250,000 clams to Kesha’s legal fees.

YES. I’m so happy that Taylor is not letting this go. She has millions of young female fans who will benefit from her example. She could have brushed it off as just another shitty thing women have to deal with, but it’s so great that she brought him to court. What a CREEP.

You, me - and MILLIONS of other women. I hope this garbage POS never works again. I’ve worked with plenty of his kind. They think they can do anything because we’re “nice” and won’t reveal him for the sexual predator he really is. Fuck him.

Mueller’s lawyer M. Gabriel McFarland asked Swift whether she was “critical” of her then bodyguard, Greg Dent, for not intervening. Swift responded, “No, I am critical of your client for sticking his hand under my skirt and grabbing my bare ass.”

The first couple of milliseconds, I thought it must be a mistake

trapper keeper or gtfo

Fire, fury, and the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake you ever saw.

because Page Six clicked publish, and then i clicked publish