You also HAVE to refrain from wearing a hat while the song is playing, but you do not have to refrain from piledriving children into the ground while the song is playing. THAT isn’t disrespectful at all.

If we HAVE to stand for a specific song, and HAVE to put our hands on our hearts or risk getting jacked are we really free?

Hell, I can get you a bachelor’s degree by 3 o’clock this afternoon... with honors. These fucking profiting-off-amateurs.

It doesn’ t matter how bad the movie is, as long as you have family.

Report: Robbie Amell growing on coach Jon Gruden.

Sure, Amell might be embarrassed right now but this serves as a first rate audition for my upcoming epic C’mon, Man, I’m Wide Open: The Christian Hackenberg Story.

Now, now, I know people are gonna slag on this comment and the unironic use of the word “sheeple” but you’re absolutely right. Bernie’s “Medicare For All or we’ll kill you” slogan and Liz Warren’s “Economic Justice or DEATH” rally chants concern me too.

Zenit has hit its nadir.

“At no time have we EVER sent Cossacks to kill any African players on our own team.”

I don’t know, that kind of sounds like a Cadillac. 

This obsession with Hilary is the longest Trump has ever been faithful to one woman.

Contestants proceed to spend entire time attempting to assemble three piece monkey. 

Swimmer 1: “Hey have you heard about the protests in Hong Kong?”

Design meeting:

“What should the failure mode be for the wave generator?”
“Nothing, it should just die quietly and stop functioning.”
“We could do that. Or.. and hear me out on this one...”

All of this is truth, and in fact, there is a whole ass Twitter account dedicated to honoring all of the shenanigans the AAU has to offer. https://twitter.com/aau_bingo

When Ian Polter comes off looking more professional, you’ve got to reassess some things. 

You should see a doctor.

Yeah, it wasn’t Kamala Harris.