Your boss does tend to get pissed when you cancel your own performance review.

Is he trying to say he has read all the books he is touting? That slob hasn’t read a book since he found Mein Kampf under the Christmas tree in 1950.  And even then it was the Cliff Notes. 

Oh FFS.... YES. Yes you tip the hibachi chef.

I continue to marvel at the breathtaking stupidity of the people Trump surrounds himself with. Anyone with any experience extending a U.S. business overseas has heard of the FCPA and knows the risks involved in payments to foreign officials.

Don, you feel awkward in New York because EVERYONE IN NEW YORK HATES YOU. You used to at least have Cohen, but ya burnt that one down. The old-money elites, whose approval you’ve craved all your life, won’t have anything to do with you because they still think you’re just jumped-up trash from Queens.

You sound... Beefy.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this was the accused’s first fatal mistake…

Two observations:

No, don’t! You should instead be very nice and give her a large bag of sugar-free Haribo gummy bears, for sustenance.

You beat me to it. He has no clue how tariffs work - not even his own. 

In all seriousness, her wearing a yellow star turns this from just hilarious and pathetic to extremely and unforgivably gross. 

DJ Khalid still makes no sense to me. What does the man actually do? He’s not really a DJ. He’s not really a singer, rapper or anything else. He’s pretty much the Male Kim K. He just shows up and puts his name on shit then gets paid. I wish we were all so lucky.

“Twitter blocked me because of my conservative beliefs!”

Letting Nazis scream at strangers unimpeded is kind of Twitter's thing.

SHAME! Arugula rock(et)s. 

But her lettuce.

This is a horrible arugula take. Spicy greens are awesome. 

The best sandwich I’ve ever eaten is a hot dog. 

Oscilloscope-quality graphics? Take that, 4K!!!!!!!