It was a lot of leg work, trudging through fields and nervously laughing, then getting back in your own running car and driving away from the zombie murder camp.

It’s a body shop conspiracy.

And now Goldman Sachs and Exxon run the country, surely that will help the coal miners.

Exactly. The Confederacy is a lifestyle product these days, like unusable high power guns and “rollin’ coal” diesel trucks. It’s like bedazzling your jean jacket back in the early 90's.

“Security!” lol, who shouts that on a plane? It sounds like Sigourney Weaver, too.

My nieces know to buckle in and keep their f’ing hands off. I’m a nice uncle in every other regard, but the other day when I picked up one of their friends I heard one of them tell him, “Don’t touch anything back there, he’s a Nazi with this BMW”, which is extra funny because we’re Jewish.

Shocking from someone who chose EXOTIK as his vanity plate, right?

Does this mean we can expect that grill to start showing underneath the exhaust soon?

Motel 6 is an orange meth-lab with cold floors.

After reading it I called my mother to see if she had taken a job with the publication. Alas, she’s still dead.

Standard Bear:

I just want to strap a crucifixion Jesus onto that, with a wild eyed expression to match the terror of being nailed to the grill of a Lexus doing 95 down the Interstate. But I do not have these types of skills, only the imagination to dream it.

Range Rover competitor.

Oy veh - Mine eyes!

New item added to bucket list!

Just put the fucking frosting on it already, don’t make me do it. I’m eating toaster pastries - so you know how lazy I am you bastards!

True fact: My French girlfriend’s parents rented a Sebring convertible when they met us in Miami in the mid 90's. As they left for the airport her father quipped of it, “Just like the people of Miami it is nice to look at, but made entirely of trash”.

If you’re going to run your company out of the Bay Area you’ve got to use terminology people understand there. Things like “coney dog” and “dead cat space” draw blank stares....

Wait, what is a “Texas”? Should I know anything about this?

Ever heard of desalination? I guess not.