“We called him ‘Donald Jr.’ but in all honesty, I don’t even think he’s mine.”

President Trump is currently having his lawyers test out the legal theory of him coughing and then saying, “Pardon me,” and whether that would effectively pardon him from all the crimes he may or may not have committed.

Only one way to find out, really.

I mean, pretty much word-for-word:

I just came up with a hypothetical situation, a thought experiment if you will: If Donald Trump’s head were somehow separated from his body, would his subsequent tweets become more, or less coherent? At any rate, I’d guess that the volume of tweets would stay more or less consistent for about a month.

When a number of Roma were applying to Canada as refugees around 10 years ago, the (then in power) Conservative Party of Canada was dogwhistling pretty hard, though (see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romani_people_in_Canada) and many were represented by at three lawyers who took their money but didn’t do the work to…

Oh - weird - I made an eerily similar reply before I scrolled down enough to see yours.

This seems connected: my (I have to believe) well-meaning grandfather used the phrase “Jewed him down” I guess as a synonym for “haggled” in a conversation with his son and (Jewish) daughter-in-law. Jaws dropped. No record exists of whether he realized what he had just said after the words escaped his lips.

Funny, but when I first looked at the article, I read it as “...her own foreign contacts as well as those of her spouse and shitbag.” Can’t imagine why my mind would play such an unfortunate trick on me!

Starred for “tonsorial nightmare.” But to your question, I always assumed they just killed a new gopher when they needed to.

Put us all together, and we might make a pretty good president!

Here for example is a photo of Kim Jong Un inspecting shipments of Donald Trump voodoo dolls.

The average Kinja user, obsessively checking Gawker-related Gizmodo Media Group websites throughout the day, posting witticisms and insightful commentary, taking time to star others’ comments, then obsessively checking to see what kind of impact their own comments have made, pausing only for the occasional bathroom…

Dickish, yet dickless.

Ms Gummibear and I decided to ask the ultrasound technician to keep her mouth shut and instead just go along with all the people who rubbed her (Ms Gummibear’s) tummy and decided she was carrying a girl, or the ones who looked at her and decided that the way she was carrying meant it was a girl, or the nurse in the…

That was precisely the purpose of this administration’s obvious distortions about the size of the crowds on inauguration day: We will be lying brazenly from day one; get used to it; and to the media who cares about reporting the truth, fuck you.

Thanks! Maybe took 10 minutes, but time flies when you’re putting Ivanka Trump behind the wheels of 100 sewing machines.

Maybe she’d care more about the welfare of her workers if they looked less like this:

It’s like he was auditioning for a part as an extra on The Sopranos.

“The W.H. is functioning perfectly” sounds like a deceptive Craigslist ad for a used 1973 Ford Pinto.