Excuse me. I never ate dirt.

For me, it worked on a case, but it didn’t work on a screen protector.

For me, it worked on a case, but it didn’t work on a screen protector.

I have never thought the VMAs are anywhere near the Grammys. Rather than highlighting artistic merit, I’ve always thought they were an excuse for MTV to backpat themselves and pop music artists. The VMAs are as legit to reward shows like the Oscars, Tonys, Grammys, and Emmys as reality TV is to scripted drama series.

I don’t think they look itchy. I just think they look like cheap shoes that will fall apart after being worn for a while—and I’m sure that’s exactly what will happen to them.

But I don’t understand why they don’t just give him the shoes now. Why is it conditional? And it’s just a pair of shoes. Why is a pair of insanely rich people giving a sick man a pair of expensive shoes something so incredily awesome I should now think they are great people?

I don’t expect a dude to be able to size a woman from sight, but at least understand that the number is the bandwidth and the letter is the size of the cup.

I recently had to explain to a (married!) friend how bra size is calculated. He had no idea. And it’s not like this ignorance goes the other way - I know perfectly well most men start measuring themselves at the taint.

I don’t think they’ll allow that for just any plan. For instance, I know that they will not allow people to add a device payment plan to a grandfathered unlimited data plan.

It depends on what plan you’re on. With my plan, it’s much less expensive over two years for me to go the contract route rather than the device payment plan route.

It depends on what plan you're on. With my plan, it's much less expensive over two years for me to go the contract route rather than the device payment plan route.

I’ve run the numbers and it’s actually a few hundred dollars less expensive over two years for me to keep my contract with Verizon, so that’s what I’m going to do. Good thing they’re letting existing customers renew their contracts and buy phones with two year pricing instead of that device payment plan garbage.

Eh. They’re too big for a nice, small club now. I saw them once in a 500 capacity club, and I don’t think I’ll ever see them again because it won’t be as good as that show was.

I can tell you with complete certainty that most people are annoying as fuck with their phones at shows.

And now that nimrod has issued an “I’m sorry you’re not smart enough to understand me.”

I can relate. I have a friend who had to button up my pants for me once. We have never spoken of that moment again.

Perhaps I am a fossil from another era, but it’s my understanding that a gift is never, everrequired of a guest.

As a result of this lack of courtesy, we didn’t even come close to fulfilling our registry, which was full of reasonably priced items. You better believe I’m salty.

I learned later on that it was his wife who didn’t want me to sing, and I still don’t know why, but there it is.

Just tell her that if she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid, then she doesn’t have to do it. You’re not making her (or are you?), so she has no reason to be bitchy about anything that doesn’t want to do. Don’t deal with her drama.

My blood is boiling. I’m really tired of “mandatory” wedding gifts.