With a haircut and mustache like that, is anyone surprised?

If my life long friend was more than likely going to try and stop my girlfriend from exercising her court mandated reproductive rights then he can fuck right the fuck off and die for all I care.

Actual question:

This guy could have told him that:

I feel more cultured now. Thanks!

Nothing is ever “all.” Not all snakes are venomous. Not all sharks eat meat. But when discussing the danger of serpents and sea life, there are only two types of people who will interject with a caveat about garter snakes and vegetarian sharks:

do they do dibs in yr nabes during the winter?

This line would have made me laugh at a funeral.

I’ve got money that at one point in the story he mentioned the fact that he threw away sushi so there wasn’t even a chance a homeless person could dig it out from the trash and eat a meal.

I mean, how else are their friends supposed to keep adventuring without funding?!

Wait can the waiters receive tips? Serious question.

Dude you’re leaving too?! Who is going to GIF-ify my favorite west coast sports moments in a timely, but not creepy, fashion now?

So many people are crawling at you when this was a fine joke.

This picture makes me really uncomfortable.

Just fuckin’ say, “Hey that smells, would you mind going somewhere else?”

My mom tried to ask my brother and me if we wanted to join Boy Scouts when I was around 9. I remember a kid in my class was in it. When my mom asked me if I wanted to join I told her, “I don’t like to be in school with Greg, so I don’t want to be in his club.”

I’m a Warriors fan and I think this is a little much.

Because, Cleveland.

Every single text thread with my Laker fan friends is all me just going: