Great, now he’ll *NEVER* agree to debate on the Funny or Die network...

“My dad died in Vietnam. He’s a hero.”

I have NEVER laughed so hard at late night TV. It was amazing. I know this sounds lame, but it really is like there is finally something marketed towards me, not males 18-whatever.

It is SO GOOD ALREADY. I’m so happy. Sam Bee is a hero, and this show is looking like it’s going to be everything that Trevor Noah’s Daily Show is failing to follow through on. Now that Jon Stewart is gone, Stephen Colbert is doing a different genre of tv, Trevor Noah is proving himself inadequate to fill Stewart’s…

The Puritan Backroom is also the name of my Salem Witch Hunt-themed gay sex dungeon.

Who in their right mind would fuck with the lady that said the death of 500,000 Iraqi kids was worth it? Not me!

She was born in fucking 1938 in fucking Czechoslovakia until FUCKING HITLER forced her family into exile in England during the Holocaust (in which THREE of her Grandparents died). She lived through the blitz in London, hiding under a metal fucking table during Nazi bombings.

Not only is it believable, Republicans think this is normal. This is the way things were supposed to happen. His right to have a gun to kill her with is more important than her right to life.

Pretty horrible, but sums up what many Hilary supporters believe. Somehow because I’m a woman I should be voting for Hilary because she’s one as well. Or I’m sexist because I don’t vote for Hilary. Everyone wants to talk about BernieBros, but Clinton supporters are just as bad (if not worse) when it comes to these…

People keep trying to get me to order drinks that come in copper cups like it some how makes a drink better instead of just making it taste like copper.

I don’t get the damn copper cups nonsense. It’s even stupider than the mason jar garbage. I was served mulled cider in a copper cup and, duh, the cup and handle were too hot to hold for about 20 minutes because copper is conductive. I also went to a bar last year and was served a cocktail in a ‘re-purposed’ tin can.…

To back before Planned Parenthood was making billions of dollars selling fetuses to government run soup kitchens obviously.

Somehow, “she loved pandas” really landed a gut punch. Poor baby.

What is it with the smug self satisfied “I’m a prick and I know it” looks on these guys faces?! Merritt had one yesterday, this douchebag has one today.

When you look good, you play good, having clean clothes is apart of that. You’d never wear a garden hose in a hail storm would you? No, you would eat pudding. Basically what I’m saying is, He’s done.

At least give me the satisfaction of knowing you’re out there beating up niggers right now

Did you read this article? Because this is in there:

It might... it also might render them unable to utter the word souping.

When I read the word “cleanse” in a story;

That all sounds like the sort of legal back-bending that’s normally reserved for white people.