Every health nut on earth is saying to drink out of copper cups. The FDA recommends against it, especially hot beverages. I’m throwing in with the people who know something about how the body works.

Dude, I’m a fatass and I’m not happy about this shit, either.

One of the elements of a good leader is the ability to delegate tasks. Laundry would seem to be one of those.

Souping is not a word, assholes. The first person to say souping to me gets punched in the face.

“I swore I told the truth back then, but that shouldn’t be relevant now, should it?”

Napoleon Dynamite would like them.

I fucking love that he was late by the end of the article. Hilarious.

Refrigerator? That name sounds familiar...

But is it RAPE-rape?

I’m practicing the following phrases:

Well you gotta watch those Latinos. Always stealing and raping and shit.

It only gets worse.

Mommmmmm! I was holding it for a friend.

His narcissism doesn’t permit him to admit his loser status. It’s either winner or nothing in his mind.

My ex was this emotionally withholding jerk who is never happy unless the people he loves are unhappy. So I left him and it took me a couple years to feel steady on my feet. He had his good qualities, though, and when he started dating someone - which I heard about in detail due to a mutual friend - I actually…

Here’s my pollyanna-ish bumper sticker take: Love is love. It’s a great day to tell anyone and everyone you appreciate that you have love for them. Mom, sister, brother, those cute nieces and nephews, my BFF, my old college friends, my work wife, the grumpy hipster at the coffee place. They all get a little something…

I have questions for her, though, because she insists on me wearing white gloves during social occasions...

Before ass play or before hashtagging? Just want to get my etiquette right!

My mom always told me a real lady never fingers an ass and then hashtags it.