After getting blown off by my BFF yesterday (she promised to spend Xmas day with me - her idea - then called to say her family was coming over, and she didn’t invite me), she said she’d call me today.

They flew to motherfucking South Korea to witness the birth. Part of me believes we really need to bring back shame as a method of social control because FUCKING REALLY??

And the clone was BAAAAAAD!

Didn’t they ever listen to the horrible story of Chance the Bull on This American Life? Apparently not.

This is a state that didn’t want to expand Medicaid because it would cost too much.

Only if you count my decidedly non-professional diagnosis :-)

Thank you. I had a pretty happy day otherwise. Beach walk with dog, gnocchi, nap, calls to family and friends...

They don’t deserve you.

I go to see Mom, who tells me how she wishes I had my own family, because otherwise I will never know true happiness. THANKS FOR THE SPECIAL CHRISTMAS GREETING, MOM.

My BFF was all “Let’s spend Christmas day together! Let’s go to the movies!” So I ditched my mom, happily, and then BFF called...oh, her family decided to come over, so now she has to cook...and the best part is she didn’t even invite me (which is somewhat understandable, because she is super sensitive about how drunk…

You are not joking. I worked in a printshop. One of our most popular papers was that color, and we had to do an “ink of the day” in that color as well.

entertaining guests by sticking a wooden table leg up his rectum...that must have been SOME party.

You can do this thing! And they’ll forever have the pleasure of telling the story of their ungrateful sinner child...unless they manage to grow out of their prejudice (doubtful).

I hope they are paying for college :-) If they are, just try to think of it like working for a terrible boss. You’re just doing it until you can get out of there and live your glorious, sinful life. When do you graduate?

Make sure you take the bag of weird things out of the cavity.

I have seasonal depression, so this time of year is hard. It is compounded by the merriment and the lack of interest I have in doing any of it. I have been in my PJs and drunk by 8 pm most nights. I am sick of it though. No alcohol last night or today. It’s become so boring and stupid.

Is there a 12-step for that? I’m kinda serious.

It’s in no way pissypants to be righteously angry at someone who spends more than 10 hours playing a damned game when the kids are on holiday. He needs to grow the fuck up.

Being the center of attention all the time must be so damned exhausting.

I saw my mom at the assisted living yesterday. She complained about: