I never thought, as a lady-type person, that I would need a nose hair trimmer, but then menopause hit and I realized it was either that, or become terrifying to children.

I never thought, as a lady-type person, that I would need a nose hair trimmer, but then menopause hit and I realized…

It’s a universal symbol for “Douche-nozzle: do not date this person.” Saves so much time.

I generally like Michelle Norris, and I adore the Race Card project.

He reminds me more of that toxic orange paint remover, Strypeeze. You paint it on some furniture your hippie aunt painted purple and it bubbles up into stinky orange lumps of goo. Yes, that’s what he reminds me of, exactly.

I talked to a landlord the other day who said “Well, we have to charge these rents, because if we didn’t, and the tenants moved, they’d suffer quite a shock when they discovered the real market value.”

You! You get massive eyes, no nose, no functional mouthparts because your jaw is too skinny, and an impossibly tiny waist!

My doctor, Omar, is just quietly suffering in his country club house. He never complains!

Let me explain the logic:

These Real Housewives are like a plague upon the earth. Every time I see one of these articles and wonder “Who the fuck are these people?” it’s always some Real Assholes.

Here’s an idea, Ohio. Why don’t you spend your time making sure all the women in your state have adequate reproductive health care instead?

Maybe women should mail them to their legislators.

Whaaaat? Next you’ll be telling me the Madea movies aren’t documentaries.

So...

HAVE JUDGE EVER SEEN ACTUALL WOMAN BODY THING? BCUZ WO,MANS I SEE IS NOT SAME AS THIS!!

I missed the part where I said “solely.”

I’m not much on celebrity in general, but do NOT say a word against Miss Dolly if I’m around.

Trust a hair product named after a follicular cyst and this is what happens.

Fuck Greek Yogurt. Gimme some full-fat Syrian or Lebanese yogurt, or better yet, Labneh/Lebni/Lebneh.

You’d think some reasonably intelligent attorney with a degree from, say, Fred’s Finest College o’Law ‘n’ Stuff could craft a hold harmless clause.

Many, many more people work at home now.