She’s only 18 years younger than him. I would have sworn he’s at least 46.

Oh, chop off my toe! I’m going to give Rand Paul the spanking I can tell he has always wanted.

Isn’t writing in the second person something we were taught not to do in freshman creative writing?

DING DING DING, we have a winner. Best advice of the day!

The guy looks super unhappy to be wearing it, and not in a Bitchy Model Face way, either.

Woops. My caps-lock key musta got broken along the way.

Anyone who has had much experience doing extemporaneous public speaking knows that sooner or later, some damn fool thing is going to come out of your mouth.

A private dancer? A dancer for money? That will do what you want them to do?

One of the best times of my life was when I worked swing shifts. I could stay up til 3, fall out of bed at 10 am, and go get in the pool during YMCA Senior Lap Swim (they let me in because no one else ever came during that time) and be mostly asleep for my workout. Blissful.

And bartenders are hip to this strategy and are usually very kind about it, as long as you still tip like you’re getting an alcoholic drink.

Too late, Kev. This is Lenny Kravitz’s dick’s moment in the sun. So to speak.

It happens far more often than not. Maybe I just LOOK like a straight hair person?

Ok, maybe I am the dumb one, because I looked and there are 1000 video tutorials on how to MAKE those loops...carry on.

It’s bad enough that they’re racist idiots, but they also use a script typeface in all caps.

And I’m supposed to remove those thread belt loops? CRAZY.

I’m a white woman with hair much like the woman in the photo (I wake up like this!). I like it, but every single stylist I ever go to wants to straighten it. They will do it even when I say not to. I usually let them finish, then go find a different stylist, even though the chances are pretty good that they will want…

For a fiscal conservative, that’s a damned pricey way to cook bacon.

Yeah, I’ve had a guy in the aisle do an aggressive crotch thrust into my butt as he scooted behind me...pretty sure that was not an accident.

I give big props to the other passenger who asked him what he was doing. Good looking out. We should all be so brave.

I LOVE Pissing Contest. One of my favorite things is reading all those nutty stories.