Where u at j/k ankle bracelet tells all

THANKS, OBAMA.

I find orgasms feel weird with a vibrator, so to me they’re good for going about 90% of the way, then switching to fingers.

She’s also wearing David Byrne’s suit from “Stop Making Sense.”

I was trying to math in my head, and I thought it was my fault it wasn’t coming out right.

Hon, your sexual history is your own. You don’t owe it to anyone. Unless you’re contractually obligated to do so, of course.

When I was a kid, in the 1960s, we lived in a rural area outside a small regional city. When we went to “town,” my mom would always wear a girdle, pantyhose, heels and a nice dress. This is with five kids in a station wagon.

I get pissed when I have to listen to some asshole’s lecture about their diet and why it is so great (paleo, gluten-free, whatever Dr. Oz told them that week) including some pseudo-scientific bullshit about enzymes...and THEN they sit in front of me and eat the exact opposite of what they were just telling me, like…

I think it’s because Jack in the Box killed some people by serving them undercooked hamburgers and everyone freaked out. But steak is different - it doesn’t have the contamination potential of a buncha cow scraps chopped together like hamburger does.

But is he a RAPE rapist?

“Get on that bike! Now go nowhere!”

Gotta be more interesting than the Bachelorette.

Came here to say just that.

“He is a crazy idiot who we can’t do anything about,” Tlatengo said. “But we can laugh at him.”

Haha my mom did this, in a minor fashion. My brother was throwing a typical 4-year-old tantrum and she told a store clerk, “Ma’am, this little boy is bothering me,” as if she didn’t know who he was.

Now THAT’s a journey.

Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry about your son! I hope he feels better soon. Burns are so painful.

I spent the afternoon reading Frederick Douglass’s narrative of his life as a slave, and I have to tell you it took my American Pride down a few notches.

FOR DAYS. It started on the 1st here, these asshole neighbors with big firecrackers that sound like mortars (as if I know what mortars sound like). My dog and I are currently huddled in the bathroom, fan and white noise on. She’s got her head stuck behind the toilet. I gave her a tramadol. I hope it makes her at least…

My friends want me to go to the local college to watch fireworks, but I had a frustrating and sweaty day, and now am ready to lay down, drink wine, and read a book.