Just start dishing it back. When he does something dickish, literally say “Fuck you, exercise boy.” He will probably laugh. In my experience, huge dicks usually love it when you give them crap right back.

Heather Armstrong’s archives of being pregnant and parenting are still classic mom-blogging. She does end up with PPD and having a rough go, so you may want to avoid if you’re easily spooked.

Alpha Mom

Ironically, I got the Deep Cuts silver ballet slippers from Chico’s a few weeks ago for $7, and they indeed left Deep Cuts in the back of my heels. I am still recovering. Seriously.

Can you imagine? You’re just out for an early-morning stumble around the block to get some exercise and what emerges from the fog? Two kangaroos, and they look angry! You can’t outrun them. You sure as hell can’t outjump or out-fight them...

I know! The tails freak me out. I never realized how big a part of kangaroo function they are...I feel like I must have missed out on some important segments of my kangaroo education.

Five kangaroos is a lot of damn kangaroos.

Many brides smuggle drugs in their bouquets. Would be far too expensive and illegal to toss.

When I worked at a movie theater, the popcorn machine looked pretty sexy sometimes...pop, warmth, just saying.

Wait, that’s describing an orgasm? Are there totally different kinds of orgasms on Planet Bachelor?

Obese patients with heart disease, heart failure, diabetes, kidney disease, pneumonia, and many other chronic diseases fare better and live longer than those of normal weight.

But SEX! OMG SEX! She went on a date with some hot dude and had sex! No woman ever does that, ever! A MISTAKE! But she doesn’t think she’s a “bad person”! But we all know she’s a slutty sluttish little Slut McSlutterson because SHE HAD SEX. AND SHE WANTED IT!

Hahahahahaha

How many pencils do you have to sell every month to cover your nut?

And damn her for having a staff. She should be able to do all the things by herself! When is the last time someone complained about a man having staff?

Fucking Yoko. I hate it when old acid-heads try to communicate.

I love that you took that figure seriously and did the math. My stopwatch is not quite that good. Here’s what the Guttmacher Institute says about BC failure:

Every 37.4 seconds. Approximately.