I don't need to. My district is so heavily Democratic that even when it was clear our last Congressman was about to be indicted on corruption charges (with his son already on trial) he still won reelection with 87%. NB he's in prison now.

I hope a Snake cosplayer snaps his neck and then drags his corpse around as a prop.

Uhh…Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS, probably.

I assume it's a sequel to the original Valkyrie movie. As it turns out Hitler's goons didn't kill Tom Cruise at the end of the first movie and he's back for revenge but this time he has two eyepatches and spends a lot of time walking into walls.

I finished it for the first time a couple of months ago and I still constantly have that damn song "Jingle Jangle" stuck in my head. My favorite part of my play through was taking Boone to Caeser's Camp and slaughtering Caeser and every other living person in the camp. They did a really great job making it cathartic…

Obviously Balls Deep, a sitcom about Littlefinger running his brothel after he has to sell it to a naive business woman from the North and the lovable cast of poonhound customers always hanging around the waiting room.

Wow! Finally a conservative commentator willing to stand up to the real monsters ravaging our society—Ivy League educated women with careers! If only there was a political party that had the balls to force these women out of the work force and back into the home to take care of the cleaning and children like they did…

Going to Australia, eh? Well g'luck, mate, as they say down there.

Make sure you wear a rubber dude. After 90 years she's probably in triple digits for partners.

Nope. He's already picked up a lucrative new sponsor, Phineas Q. Cockholster's Olde Time Dental Dams.

My gammy told me all about that monkey.

[Pitt fakes own death. Assumes identity of Prad Bitt, devastatingly handsome grocery bagger]

Guys, Statetheobvious is right and clearly not a complete and total self-important douchebag with his head firmly planted so far up his ass he's like an anal ourobourus. We've spent too much time making jokes on this deadly serious pop culture website. Let's get down to brass tacks and have a fact intensive discussion…

Are you telling us Du Hasst German music?

It really made Roker quaver in fear.

Unlike scat porn, very disappointed.

[clutches chest, falls over as the last piece of the salty, deadly puzzle slides into place in his artery]

*Duracell Battery Division of Hormel, DBA Dawes is a member of the Nordyne Monsanto Defense Dynamics Conglomeration—"Nordyne Monsanto Defense Dynamics Conglomeration, controlling what you eat, breath, vote for, and know since [redacted]!"

The AV Club isn't shilling for anyone! Now let's all relax by eating cold SPAM directly out of the can with a spoon.

There's an NPR interview where he describes his interaction with the guy that ran him over as he's dying on the side of the road that's hilarious as one of his characters come to life, "I was driving to the store to get one of them Mahrs Bahrs." It kinda made me forgive him for the ending of the series as it clearly…