Look, sometimes you're climbing a mountain of corpses to attain absolute power, sometimes you're a corpse in a mountain of corpses that someone else is climbing to attain absolute power.

And good for IV for actually doing his job as a critic and reviewing the film based on its artistic merits and not unrelated ancillary issues.

Crucified Astronauts! Alien Jesus! Oh my God! Lyndon LaRouche was right!

So it was just like everyone else's load then—an amorphous white lump you forgot about two minutes after you were finished with it?

Pretty sure every time he meets with his publisher at this point they set up numerous jump scares to try and get him to keel over.

"It's Uwe's time to shine now!" [kicks pillowcase of kittens; punches young child in face]

I think they actually have a very good literary reputation and the US publisher just inexplicably went with covers seemingly targeted at the Hallmark Channel demographic.

Confirmed: Peter Gallagher will be playing the Green Ranger in the upcoming movie.

I like Jessica Chastain a lot, but, man, she looks a lot like Eddie Redmayne in The Danish Girl in these screenshots.

Not Aqua Martha. Her name is Aqua.

While I like the sentiment, I'd like to point out that the law does specifically disallow selling medical or financial information from a person's browsing history as that's already protected through other laws. I don't think this guy is just running a GoFundMe scam, but I don't know if he's particularly competent…

If my phrenology studies have taught me anything its that weak chins have strong correlation with weak moral character and criminal tendencies. Better sterilize him and his wife to ensure they don't somehow manage to bring any further imbeciles into the world as my eugenics studies have taught me.

His talk will be delayed like 45 minutes and everyone will be like, "Where's Kojima? Where's Kojima?" Then, BAM! He pops out of a brown cardboard box that was sitting unobtrusively in the middle of the empty stage the whole time.

Why does Dane DeHaan always look like he hasn't slept in several days and spends and inordinate amount of time masturbating in a basement?

There would've been a lot more scenes of Ewoks giving live birth and Jabba would've been claymation.

If I was ever trapped in 18th century England I would definitely open up a brothel called "Tea and Strumpets."

I'm very disappointed that one of the attractions isn't "Renewable Energy and Recycling Showcase Pavilion." That would be totally metal.

A friend of mine has been a part of a haunted house thing for the past 10 years or so and literally puts about 6 months of work into his character and costume and schtick every year. Last year he based his thing on traditional Japanese ghost stories and was very concerned about being accused of cultural appropriation.…

Spiders could eat you and everyone you love if they felt like it. There I fixed the headline for you! [runs away sobbing]

I hope the person who bought it is planning to turn it into a museum with each room featuring a wax tableaux of an important event in Trump's life, all of which involve him have graphic sexual intercourse with a farm animal, and a photo opportunity in the back yard for you to piss on a reproduction of his grave.