No, no, you leave typos uncorrected — that way the waves serve as a reminder to pick up Ruffles potato chips. That’s Journalism 101.

You said it, True Believer

“NOUN” on a T-shirt with a permanent marker

And back then it was totally worth it:

Wow, I just upvoted two rape jokes. Looks like you guys just raped whatever was left of my sense of self-worth.

I hate when people need to give me tours of their house/apartment. But I do enjoy looking for the best moment to shout, “What a fabulous window treatment!”

“See the TURTLE of Enormous Girth! On his shell he holds the Earth. His thought is slow, but always kind. He holds us all within his mind!”

I love that silly cocaine turtle.

Yes. I remember the comic convention I used to go up growing up was just a bunch of dudes with cardboard boxes full of comics in the banquet hall at the local Ramada. No crazy movie reveals, no tv show shit, just a quiet room filled with silent people thumbing through comics and getting shit signed.

Anyway, I feel like…

The phrase of my generation.

Having the movie open with Deadpool approaching Hugh Jackman with this amazing opportunity to play Wolverine and having Jackman sing Go Fuck Yourself in a full Broadway number seems to be the best option.

Being behind you at a stoplight while you browse kinja on your phone is equally unbearable. 

“Shoplifting is a victimless crime, like punching someone in the dark.”

THAT would make a fantastic obituary.

“you’re moving the couch wrong,”

Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps week. And hopefully not for a very Joey-heavy episode.

I have never wanted to hit you in the nose with a football more than I have right now.

“John, what’s your favorite condiment to put on fried fish?”

You’ll have to listen to All Things Considered tomorrow to find out.

That’s how they get ya. NPR: Come for the Trump, stay for the bear.

It is in no way as good as it was. The writers that are still here (many were lost, including one of the best, John Teti) are still good writers, but the absolutely user-antagonistic new design of the site constantly interrupts and pushes that worthwhile content aside in favour of commercial garbage. Not only that, we…

Seems like a perfect time for T. Herman Zweibel to sweep in with a hostile takeover.