How the young forget Joe Piscopo 

To be fair, the first D&D movie is absolutely wonderfully entertainingly awful, and Jeremy Irons is having more fun in the bad guy role than about anyone else has ever had. It’s utter garbage, but it’s really fun utter garbage.

Wake me when Urban Outfitters starts selling pashminas and apartment pants. 

Captain’s Log, Stardate 72924.4. Number One went #2 on the ambassador from Nombre III’s shoes. As a result, negotiations for the peace treaty are no longer going forth.

I want the glass table that Jeri Hogarth’s wife was impaled on.

AV Club: Kinja was pretty disappointing.

is a bizarrely unexciting setting,

Schwarzenegger does indeed turn up in a cabin in the woods

No Wondermutt? (As a young lad nothing was more heartbreaking to me than when Shoop throws Bob into the ocean and it gets swept away in the tide while Wondermutt looks for it, whimpering)

 That's a funny way to spell "purveyor of limitless sadness".

I believe in that scene Starscream is saying, “Don’t make me run! I am full of chocolate!”

I thought I knew what to expect. I was wrong. 

Sesame Street was brought to you today by the letters F and U, and by the number “I’m walkin’ here!”

I’m accessing your mom’s account right now. Simultaneously.

Hang in there Chris, always thought something seemed off with Liam.

Oh, he told me about it. Here, let me quote him:

Thank you for not busting on me for misspelling “sense.”