I don’t want her to be a Missouri Representative. “Queen of Missouri, Duchess of Slay, Countess of Awesome” seems a much more fitting title.

“The ultimate goal of that movement is to drive the nation into a wasteland of sexual anarchy that consumes all moral values.”

It’s a terrible, rainy Friday here in NYC, but this news just brightened things up a bit!

Last year I volunteered at the community garden outside the public school in my neighborhood. When we pulled up the carrots, I swear, those kids were about to faint from the surprise. “THEY GROW IN THE DIRTS!” “WHAT ELSE IS UNDER THERE?” “IS THERE CANDY?!”

Damn straight, Aidy.

He’s gross and I want him to crawl back under the rock he was hiding under so I don’t have to see his stupid face.

“The combination created a movement that was at once both anti-establishment and elitist.”

Insert why not both? gif

“Dov Charney” sounds like an Expanded Universe Star Wars villain.

Crocs for gardening are OK if you promise to never, ever, ever wear them outside of that context.

And this, “Prince George, along with his handlers, Prince William and Kate Middleton.” Quality.

It’s not that he hasn’t been stabbed, it’s that no one’s found the horcrux yet to finish the job.

Please register me as completely unsurprised to learn, yet again, that Ken Starr is a total dick. Thank you.

I’m actually impressed that a former Solicitor General and DC Circuit Judge sounds like such a moron whenever he speaks. Apart from the appalling content of his responses, he doesn’t lay out a single rhetorically strong argument. He chose athletics over the safety of his students and still can’t justify it in any…

(kăl′əm-nē)

Ken Starr then looked off-camera to an unidentified woman and asked, “Is what I said okay?”

Take a calum knee, Kenny boy.

Thanks for not using “threesome” in the title this time.

You have clearly never had enough PBR in a single evening if you rank it that high on the list. "Beer shits" really don't convey how awful the next morning is.

if anyone ever sees me drinking a bud light lime, I am signaling you that I am about to be kidnapped.