“...extra bonus points should be given for continuing your routine in total darkness.”

Stay safe, stay warm, stay loud.

So we’re just gonna leave fried rice out of the discussion?

Probably the same way his parents criminally entered that ‘e’ in there.

The last time I can remember when black people were recruited en masse for new job opportunities, it didn’t go so well.

However, the sexual assault during the Red Wings game did not occur between periods.

With all due respect to the dodgers’ current announcer, who delivered fine calls on all of these home runs, I miss vin scully so much.

Oh, go eat a wet burrito and an It’s-It, wouldya, NorCal boy?

I’m 29 and I can not tell you how many times I’ve daydreamed about going back and playing little league, not as a kid, but as an adult. I would fucking dominate and feel a power that I’ve never felt before. Imagine getting a 40mph floater right down the middle and taking it deep, rounding the bases while staring…

That messaging that already comes with the phone. Never understand the need for others for most people.

He should win for resisting to put in the gas can that is Pedro Baez.

Getting tackled by a girl is nothing to be ashamed of. Now getting tackled by a kicker...

we as a society aren’t putting him down... He made the decision to forfeit his right to life when he took two others in such a brutal fashion. That’s on him - not on me or society. I’ll probably be doing something really cool at the moment he’s dying.

He only made the putt because someone in the crowd told the ball to “get in the hole.”

Jesus, it’s an incredibly emotional baseball day.

I guess Peterson just wanted to switch things up.

I feel the same way about overly gigantic tie knots.

He was busy protecting his own girlfriend, pictured here:

You’d think the mayor would appreciate somebody who didn’t dwell on Rio’s problems.