Where they fall apart is in the juxtaposition of those premium ingredients—the more toothsome bread, the fresh mozzarella, the deliciously creamy-tangy balsamic sauce—with the same limp tomatoes, flavorless beef, and run-of-the-mill cold cuts the chain has always used

Obligatory:

I’m kinda hoping this is true and you've held a grudge for twenty years about the way a teenager acted in an AAU game. That would be very entertaining to me.

“And Suzy died so bravely, filming the very tsunami that took her from us”

When I give blood, he’s there. Every time. It takes every last bit of humanity in me not to pimp slap the fuck out of him.

Ugh. And I live in West Lincoln now, so I get the worst of it.

There I was, behind center for the Buffalo Bills. What madness led to this I had no time to ponder. As the supple leather of the ball slid into my hand, I took one step back, then two, then three. As I surveyed the field for potential recipients, I saw an outside linebacker charging like an angry rhino directly at my…

Right? That was my first thought. That’s what I did when I saw Sleep in June.

It’s almost Tomato Time! We’re just a few days away.

Probably because you didn’t read the article.

“i’m going to assume she makes a three hour round trip to the local onion farm to hand pick her onions.”

Even if this graph weren’t transphobic it would still need to be burned with fire for the heinous crime of having 5 be the midpoint of the X-axis and 6 be the midpoint of the Y-axis.

But we don’t have a gun problem, at all... Jesus.

This was really, really good, Nick.

You do understand that gay men are...men, right?

It’s probably in the Canadian Tire category of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

I don’t think there’s a good answer to that.

Because Murica, that’s why. We are all trash pandas.

Bold, sir. 

Yeah because one thing we don’t do enough of around here is call out the NCAA.