I get it, I have a ridiculous Alec Baldwin tattoo on my thigh. Thigh tattoos are made for this!

I really hate to ask or bother but I was once a winner in one of the pissing contests and I have a doctor’s note to get me out of BJ’s, does that qualify me to not be grey anymore?

I “met” a doctor on Tinder a couple years ago and through messaging he gave me a doctors note to get out of giving blow jobs because of my amazing gag reflex abilities.

I’m from Texas and Colorado....Texas is not the south but I’m ok calling Colorado the west.

I’m trying to get my boyfriend to buy it for me right now. Does he love me enough to do this one small romantic gesture.....we shall see!

I almost broke Ashley Simpson’s new nose back when that nose and that couple were a thing. Pete laughed until he got the “look” from her, then tried to act angry towards me but his eyes were totally saying “So close! Try again!”

My boss and job requires that I take low dosage sleeping pills in order to pull through the day without a panic attack, and that I wear a bra all day. I have a job interview for a work from home position on Thursday.

I am allergic to the whooping cough vaccine, so guess what world, if you’re not vaccinated for it when you could be then you’ve put me at risk for getting it.

I have an IUD and am not on any kind of cycle at the moment, but have been using Clue, and it seems like it's starting to figure me out a bit. The longer I use it and enter in when I have a period, the closer it's been at predicting if and when I will have one.

I live down the street from Hull St, I feel lame bc I would have totally walked right by these without a thought.

Pertussis vaccine is the only drug im allergic to. I’ve had whooping cough a couple times and it’s gnarly. People: please get the vaccine if you can!! Mostly so I don't contract it again.

You are speaking my love language.

God I used to love The Nanny when it was on at midnight on TV Land when I was in high school. Who needs sleep!? I needed to watch The Nanny.

This is how it’s going to be for me. I’m in debt because of my ex and then not wanting to deal with paying it off as a way to avoid reflecting on a failed relationship. Yuck.

Brb,I’m off to tell my best friend we should dump our husbands and head to Germany.

For the phlegm!

I the recording biz you'll actually hear a lot of people describe tones and sounds by color.

If my man friend and I ever split my plan is to become a sister, but Episcapal because Catholicism is one thing I cannot fake. It’s about damn time sisters start brewing their own beer, and I don't really intend to be that person, but I will if I must.

In the fall High Life comes in camouflage cans and I love it even more.

Im still hiking The Great Glen Way from from Ft William to Inverness next year and keeping my eye out.