PUPPIES

You know you’re achieving your goals in corruption when Nixon becomes a low bar that you’ve just cleared with unsurpassed ease.

I love that he says it as though it’s a badge of honor, and not because he’s likely more corrupt than Nixon ever dreamed possible.

reading this you can also map out Trump’s speech patterns

“Just give me a little trim up top, and in the ears, and get rid of all the Mexicans. Terrific, terrific.”

You don’t have to cut what doesn’t grow.

“Just fuck me up, fam.”

Seniors in poverty have had it too easy for too long.

Pretending to be a racist little shit and actually being a racist little shit are equally disgusting.

I’m so sure Tomi is more liberal than she leads us on. I don’t think she buys even 50% of what she says.

She stepped out of a line and all her bros went, “I don’t know her.”

Keep working with your hamsters and eventually they can be an example for the rest of us.

No no no no! Saying “as a mother...” before a statement means you are the ultimate authority on every topic!

I have a Syrian hamster and a Russian hamster. (Seriously, that where they each originated from.) OMG you would not believe how tense it has been in my home.

I have a cat who looks like a Russian Blue but is actually a gray tabby. He is concerned that he will be stereotyped for his appearance.

My cat is a Russian Blue and cares about the Russia issue because I think that he might be a Russian spy.

This is going to be a scorching hot take, but merely bearing and raising a child does not in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM make you qualified to talk about the Trump/Russia allegations and wider societal implications on (what could be generously described as) a news program.

Resting rich face.

I hate to be Team Tattoo Artist, but just like you can decide where you want your tattoos, he can also decide what work he’ll stand behind and what he WON’T. Clearly you have artistic differences, as evident by your contempt of his other work. So why would you use him in the first place?