My world, welcome to 2019, it’s amazing you’ve gotten here without discovering celebrity gossip, a genre that’s existed for over 100 years.

Any diet that’s named after a process that occurs when normal people start going into starvation isn’t a healthy diet.

The first rule of keto diet: You *must* talk about the keto diet. 

Also, I decided long ago I’d rather be 10 lbs heavier and eat carbs and not constantly be a bitchy beast when I am not eating carbs. Plus I kinda like having bigger boobs. And eating bread and pasta. And cake.  

The most annoying part of keto is how annoying people are that constantly tell you they’re on keto. It’s like the new vegan.

Keto isn’t a healthy diet. It’s an extreme diet that forces your body into a starvation state. You are supposed to eat an absolute bare minimum of carbs. People eating a true ketogenic diet are eating mainly meat and dairy.

I audibly gagged at the thought of getting ready to go down on a sexy dude, only to be punched in the face nose by some stank hot dog dick.

You can have my carbs when you pry them from my cold, dead, un-smelly crotch.

It’s not just vaginas! There was a bodybuilder in my dorm when I was in college who basically only ate meat as part of some weird 0% body fat diet. He was stunningly gorgeous, intelligent, and charming. He got tons of one-night stand tail but could never hold down a girlfriend. Why? It was openly discussed (behind his…

You can pry my bread and tortillas from my cold dead hands. Bury me in burritos.

I think I like Jennifer Garner a little more every time I see her. Her Instagram is a delight, and it’s hard not to like someone who coordinates their gift wrap with a pair of running shoes.

Anyone who has worked with actors also knows there's definitely a possibility they're sleeping together.

Here’s what I don’t understand about insurance. A real life example:

Some people with disabilities, especially those that manifest more physically and are more visible, seem to fear that physican-assisted suicide will lead to a ‘duty to die’ and the involuntary euthanasia. I understand that fear, but I think the current physician-assisted suicide laws are written to avoid that, as well…

“there is already someone that does that, it is your insurance company”.

No sirree, I don’t want my government getting in between me and my healthcare. I’m perfectly happy with a private corporation that has a clear profit incentive to deny me coverage.  

“[Rami Malek] reportedly fell somewhere around the front row...”

He looks like a majestic centaur. Absolutely glorious. 

Billy Porter has already won the night.