The only thing I feel coerced to do here is vomit.

But he recently said he was trying to be a better man.

A friend of mine convinced me to get Crocs "ballerina flats" which don't have the open holes. Ostensibly, they work great for gardening, which I do a lot of.

Eh. I think, like most instagram bebes, the hot pockets are just out of the picture on the same table as the artisanal salmon avo toast mixed in an edible kale bowl.

Not your best, Ham. Not your best.

I’ve read he’s an asshole.

Real talk: I’d cancel my appearances after being talked to like that.

There are about a dozen white tech ladies I can think of that would do a better job AND be actually qualified by the true sense of the term for this appointment.

So, I left Jezebel for a few years and came back and most of these comments are a sad state of affairs.

I think his hair must account for a large chunk of that BMI.

I get milia with micellar water. (Milia-cer?)

I get milia with micellar water. (Milia-cer?)

Aint no shame in that.

I have a friend who lost both legs and and his right hand in a terrible (goes without saying?) car crash about five years ago. He’s become a different person with so much more strength and purpose to his life. I know that sounds cheesy, but it’s true.

lol, ok BOSS?

“It matters to this girl.”

lol, ok BOSS?

lol, ok.

I know it’s the flash effect, but that picture of Joy’s cake makes it look like a couple of her co-stars’ faces are blank. Just in case there’s talent replacement in the near future.

Not in a way that you want to hear, boo.

I’m happy to call Trump a sexual creeper with every chance I get, but I honestly think his creepiness with Ivanka has more to do with unmitigated narccicism than anything else. “She’s me but as a beautiful woman! I made that because I’m wonderful.” Now give me a kiss, woman-me.