As someone who, for reasons I don't understand, can't stand cheeseburgers and has to verify "without cheese" at every single restaurant, the greatest moment of my life was when we went to a kosher restaurant near my friend's apartment, and I start explaining to the guy that I want a burger with NO cheese, like I…

How do people not know the joys of Milk-Steak?

The guy asking for the bacon sandwich in a kosher bakery week after week is a raging anti-semite and an incredible asshole. He knows what he's doing and thinks he's making some sort of stupid point.

I'm so glad the baby punting story ended with the parents apologizing.

Want please, especially if there's clear alcohol in it

I know! I almost couldn't read past that first, walk in closet part. All I could think was, why the fuck would I want to walk into my closet? Is fucking Narnia in there?! (pardon the interrobang)

They really, really do! At least, they do if most of your old hangers are the generic plastic hangers you can buy in ten packs at most cheap stores. And clothes accidentally slip off them far less often.

Yeah, this has actually happened to me, but thankfully I wasn't arrested or shit. But I was super pissed and I had to burn things and I didn't want my house to catch fire so the park sounded like a good idea. (The officer was a woman and she was just like "girllll I feel you, just put that fire out and we good".)

Oh! And my Go Bag came in super handy when I left that psycho, too :-) $585, passport, 3 days of clothes

My husband was also my high school sweetheart for 3 years, and back in the day he was a super prolific love letter writer - 5-8 page letters, written on scrolled paper & tied with red ribbons - they were FANTASTIC. We broke up & went our separate ways for 10 years, during which time I married another [really horrible]…

Things You Should Have In Your Closet By The Time You Are 30:

Anyone with two sets of judges robes is obviously the best judge, BADUMTISH. I'm thinking I could get other costume bits and then mix and match. Werewolf nurse. Werewolf bank robber. Werewolf cowboy.

Same. Now Leto better play Lagerfeld in biopic. He's perfect for it.

YES. Get the girl some toner, stat! A woman with that much money should not have yellow bits.

I didn't think there was a way to miss the Rock Me Obmbre Jesus locks.

IT IS REALLY NOT COOL TO GET SPIKE INVOLVED IN THIS MESS, KARA.

You gotta do the claps.

When I was suddenly given a cancer diagnosis, we were stunned. But, I later found out from my mother that he called and told her that she didn't need to worry. He was not ever leaving me and that he would take care of her only child no matter what.

The food may not have been great, but that's an amazing experience and I'm jealous.