Why is this entire comment a parenthetical aside?

“Shuttle cleared tower in winter launch.”

I think you mean persuaded.

She probably breathes through her nose really well also.

If 2016 ends with an orange reality star or a Texas senator being elected President, then we’ll look back at the deaths of Prince and Bowie as harbingers of the true apocalypse.

Fuck off, 2016. Just fuck the fuck off.

You need better memories dude.

Basketball would be better if the ball was a round screen and we could live tweet tweets right to the ball in real time so the dribbler could read the ball and become inspired to do more good kinds of shots. Imagine being passed a ball and right there on the screen/ball it says, from @DildoDunkins69: Hammer the…

He may as well be wearing Velcro sneakers

I don't see how he can say he's "doing fine" he's wearing an adjustable hat backwards.

Drew’s “The Convert.” (Clue: ALL CAPS)

One might even say it’s turning around 360 degrees and walking away.

Let’s cut the guy some slack on his day off. It’s not easy being a St. Louis policeman.

Should someone check Curt for CTE?

Big-ass Mets pitcher Noah Syndergaard

Would have never happened if Papelbon remembered to shut the door.

Thankfully the reporter saw Fit to do his Civic duty and help the poor guy out.

“I’m blue da ba dee da ba die”

Ricky had some social anxiety issues as well. He made the clear-headed (no pun intended) choice that ‘hey, I have enough money to do what I want now. I’m great at football but I don’t love it, so why should I keep doing it?’