“What really gets my goat is when Drew Brees waits until the last plays of the game to protest. You’re already winning, why are you choosing NOW to take a knee?”

I knew something was wrong. You could tell he lost that bounce in his step.

Instead, golf now only wants to hear a drunk man scream, “Get in the hole” on a 580-yard tee shot.

Jeter later talked to reporters, coming to the blockbuster deal’s defense.

Officials unanimously agreed to meet this with extreme measures. They are completely skipping right over zero and going straight to lactose intolerance.

Meanwhile, Bills fans completed their own charity work in the parking lot with yet another Salad Toss.

“Man, I was really hoping to start a fight with a fan of the other team. Why didn’t any Rams fans show up?”

“My day is coming when I have my interview with Jesus”

“...Hill sprinted down the field and tackled Fozzy Whittaker, to the delight of head coach Sean Payton.”

Sure. It’s easy kicking field goals with those giant shoes.

“I don’t really believe in the type of shots like that...”

When asked if he was going to testify, California Chrome considered what happened to witnesses in Lewis’ last trial and simply replied, “Nay.”

I was hoping he’d pick Duke for track, just for the headlines:

Bol Bol’s Poles Roll ‘Noles’ Souls

Canadian on-side punts are so much cooler than their oot-side punts.

You’d think of all teams, the Saints would’ve had the Miracle kicker after their all their laterals.

If I were an offensive lineman and I was beat, it would be too easy for me to grab someone’s arm and hold on for dear life. I feel like we’d have dislocated shoulders and broken arms on every play.

They should cancel the game since a shitty Dolphins-Bucs game qualifies as a second national disaster.