CLEARLY MR TEAS AND MS. ADEQUATE ARE THE SAME PERSON.

THE BRACKETED TITLES IN THE INTERVIEW MADE ME THINK THAT TODD WAS SQUEALING THEM OUT AS SOON AS GILLIAN JACOBS MENTIONED THE EPISODE.

STILL NOT SATISFYING. AS YOUR MOM HAS OFTEN TOLD ME.

SINCE WHEN DOES THIS MUSIC SHIT GO UP ON FRIDAY?

WELL THAT WAS DISAPPOINTING.

THIS IS A POST ABOUT A BOOK ABOUT A FILM ABOUT A JOURNEY TO A ROOM.

CAPS LOCK IS LIKE HAIKU: MANY ATTEMPT THE FORM, BUT FEW CAN ACHIEVE THE REQUISITE BEAUTY AND LONGING AND RESONANCE.

ARE YOU CLORIS LEACHMAN?

SO WILL THE NAME OF THIS BE "NINE BROKE GIRLS"?

MIKE D'ANGELO:
I CONSIDER THE FACT THAT I READ THIS EDITION OF YOUR COLUMN CONFIRMATION THAT THE UNIVERSE IS ANGRY WITH ME AND WANTS TO FUCK ME IN MY EYEHOLES. I'M SURE YOU'RE MAGNANIMOUS AND KIND TO CHILDREN AND SMALL FUCKING ANIMALS, BUT READING SEVEN PARAGRAPHS OF YOUR CELEBRATION OF YOUR SPECIAL INSIGHTFULNESS…

SEE? TEN-YEARS-AGO TOBIAS KNOWS HOW TO WRITE A PARAGRAPH THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME WANT TO FUCKING CLAW MY EYES OUT.

HEY MIKE D'ANGELO!! WHERE DID YOU PICK UP YOUR GIFT FOR MAKING EVERYTHING YOU WRITE ABOUT, INCLUDING SEX WITH CATHERINE DENEUVE, SEEM UNBEARABLY TEDIOUS? I MIGHT ARGUE THAT IT'S PART OF THAT FUCKING SUCKHOLE OF SOLIPSISM WE CALL YOUR PERSONALITY, BUT I'D ALSO ADMIT THE POSSIBILITY THAT IT'S LEARNED BEHAVIOR. ARE YOU…

ALL CAPS IS NEVER UNNECESSARY, MOTHERFUCKER. AT ITS BEST, AN ALL CAPS POST IS LIKE A ZEN KOAN - THE WIND WHISTLES THROUGH IT YET CREATES A ZONE OF SILENCE, BITCHES.

YEAH, BUT ADULTHOOD ISN'T ALL FUN AND GAMES AND KILLING THINGS YOU LOVE.

SORRY YOU'RE HAVING A BAD MONDAY, POTATOSOLUTION.

SERIOUSLY, MY IMPRESSION IS THAT HE'S BUCKING FOR THE TITLE OF WHINIEST WRITER ON THE AV CLUB STAFF.

HI TODD, YOU FESTERING PUSTULE OF NO TASTE! WHAT'S THIS BULLSHIT YOU'RE WRITING NOW?

RAPE IS RAPE, UNLESS IT'S SEDUCTION. MANIPULATING SOMEBODY INTO DESIRING YOU IS SOMEWHAT DIFFERENT FROM OVERPOWERING SOMEBODY PHYSICALLY. I REALIZE IT GIVES SOME PEOPLE A LITTLE BIT OF A HARD ON TO SPRAY MORALISMS ALL OVER THE PLACE LIKE AN INTERNET NANCY GRACE, BUT IT'S REDUCTIVE AND INFANTALIZING TO FAIL TO…

I'M SAVING TIME AND BEING OFFENDED NOW!! MY PREDICTION IS THAT VANDERWERFF WILL SEE IT AS A TRENCHANT COMMENTARY ON GENDER AND QUEER POLITICS, BUT HE'S WRONG. TODD, COME TO YOUR SENSES AND JUST GIVE ALL THE EPISODES REMAINING THIS SEASON AN F IN ADVANCE!

WHY YOU GOT TO BE SO HATEFUL, MAN? AS SOON AS I FINISH FUCKING YOUR MOM, I'M GOING TO VANDERWERFF ALL OVER YOUR FACE!!