We knew from the moment Chris Pratt was announced that this movie was cast based on name recognition and because an actor actually fit their part. But it’s a bit surprising to see one of the castmembers just come out and say “yeah, I didn’t try.”

Here’s how little of an impression Turtwig makes on me: When we got to #2 I just assumed this list was counting Pokemon Yellow and had put Pikachu in first place, because I FORGOT TURTWIG EXISTED. Listen he’s cute but his design just takes two elements from G1's starters (he’s a turtle, and he has a plant on his back,…

I mean, children’s jokes are to be expected, but there’s no excuse for having a weak narrative in a kids’ film. You can’t tell me that most of Pixar or Studio Ghibli’s outputs don’t have a strong narrative, for instance. Kids deserve good stories more than anyone.

Damn, I was really expecting the Super Mario Bros. Movie to be a heartfelt look at one woman’s struggle with divorce.

This guy fucking gets it.

Kirsten Dunst was 12 when the movie was filmed, but they had her portraying Claudia as a bit younger, like 8 or 9 (via some clever makeup and costuming tricks, like putting her in large frilly Victorian kids’ dresses which made her look less mature, and more importantly hid how tall she actually was.)

Eggcoin, huh?

I see no reason to reboot it when that would likely just upset audiences who’ve gotten invested in all the ongoing plot hooks and foreshadowing.

I’m sure you’re right. Because this particular land agreement with the state was always so unusual, and so advantageous to Disney, they’d definitely have some plans set up ahead of time for what to do if the government tried to mess it up. And now that they’ve boxed the Republicans in, I’m sure Disney already has sever…

Either way they’re jumping to conclusions by just going “It’s Beskar! ONLY a Mandalorian could have done this!” Like, yeah that metal is associated with Mandalorians but it’s not like other people will explode if they touch it or anything. There’s plenty of ways that someone else could have gotten ahold of some. Plus…

“I made a Buzz and a Woody and I programmed them to make out. Walt’s dream is alive, Bob.”

“Define ‘do.’”

Anakin joins the kids on a fun scavenger hunt where they learn about shapes, numbers, and believing in yourself!

The lawyer’s name is Priya Chaudhry? How am I supposed to make a Saul Goodman rhyme out of that? “Better Hurry to Chaudhry?” I can’t even tell if that works! You win this round, Majors.

And they just keep doing it. At least twice a year there’s some massive IPO for a new internet venture, and it’s usually some concept that appeals to no one outside the tech bro bubble, pushed by a company that has never made a penny in profit and has no plan to do so in the future, but the owner is good at building…

I don’t know of a single regular person who gave two moldy shits about the metaverse. But four or five rich shitheads got all worked up about it, so we had to endure years and years of being told “THIS IS THE FUTURE” whether we liked it or not.

No, they’re building a ton of movies with Kang as the villain, and Kang is probably the easiest character in the entire Marvel canon to recast. In the comics, he already has dozens of variants across time and space, many of which look completely different from each other. And Loki season 1 already introduced us to the…

Honestly if this had to happen with any character, Kang was the best possible choice. In the comics there’s already like 30 different variant Kangs and some of them have different names and faces and they often just go around trying to kill each other.

We now go live to Disney hastily adding a post-credit scene to Guardians of the Galaxy 3 where Groot pushes a random button in a spaceship that sends a single butterfly back 700 million years back in time, and as a result Kang looks like a completely different guy now.

Future was good, fans were just mad because they wanted a silly space opera where Steven flies through the galaxy beating up gems, and instead we got a character piece about trauma and forgiveness, which were two of the major themes of the show from the start.