I wish it was a cured life and her website was gonna be about pastrami.

DREAM WEDDING.

The Keys are the only place in Florida worth visiting!

Hello all, I have two things tonight. Two very small, unimportant things, but two things nonetheless.

I think I need to watch what you're watching.

Whatever you do, don't read the article from earlier today.

You guys! I just got engaged! He proposed in the noodles aisle of the grocery store, everyone was confused as to why we were so excited/happy/kissing. There was no kneeling (thank God!), only happy questions and smiling. Last night he asked my parents if they were cool with him proposing and I guess he had been…

On a highway in the car going 70mph with him driving and asking.

:: shrug:: I would have liked something a little more dramatic; but ultimately (just like with weddings) it's the MARRIAGE, not the proposal or the wedding that matters

It definitely sounds like something's brewing. If I were in your position though, I would probably try to go into it not expecting anything, since if he's just taking you out to a fancy restaurant with a dress code and no proposal happens, he still did something very thoughtful, and it would probably be hard to hide…

Shouldn't you really wash everything you every buy before you wear it? You don't know where that stuff's been.

Your girlfriend and I would get along because I want to murder the little girl at the end of the Eggland's Best Commercial "It's EB!" (also, I fucking hate this company because an egg is an egg. Sure, organic and free range is better, but unless they are injecting something magical into their chickens, it's just…

Terrible story aside (and it's definitely pretty terrible), the men I know who work in nursing prefer to just be called a nurse rather than a "male nurse."

Man, the paparazzi wear weird dresses to chase people in.

Would everyone stop feeding "crackity"...seriously, most obvious troll ever. DO NOT FEED THE TROLL!!!!

LOL you guys realize crackity is hardcore trolling, right? Everyone is getting all riled up about what I thought was a pretty obvious troll to play off of the "URL Badman" theme. It's pretty meta.

Jesus Fucking CHRIST I CANNOT read with all these goddamn animated gifs. For fuck's sake!!!!

I reject both "pinot grig" and mani/pedis in addition to the outlined activities. :|

Crazy how one man's dream bachelor party is a Jezebel writer's worst nightmare.