NAILED IT!!!!!!

This lines up with what my friend who went to Miami of Ohio told us. He has no reason or motive to make any of the following up, and it was independently confirmed through another friend who had high school friends go to Miami as well: Ben would openly walk around hitting on girls with their boyfriend right there, and…

because perpetually reliving your glory days isn’t annoying or sad at all.

I believe the appropriate pluralization is “Vontaze Burfii”.

Not that big of a surprise, but still funny(?). He’s just trying to hit all the high notes and get recognized by some Republican Party talent scout and get asked to run for county commissioner or something.

We’ll, you need to go through it to get to Ohio if you’re on 70. Of course, then you’re in Ohio, so maybe you double back and kinda think about your life?

setting your expensive possessions on fire to own the libs

That seems appropriate.

Chrome? Ben’s still using IE 5 that came pre-installed on his Gateway 2000.

god damn hahaha

Yeah, but the NFL won’t let him put his credentials on the back of his jersey. I guess he could add a roman numeral behind his name with the number of accusations. “Roethlisberger IV”

The current most hated player by the Pittsburgh Steelers and their fans is probably Vontaze Burfict. They fail to realize that they are essentially a team of 53 Vontaze Burficts.

Fun fact I learned last year from reading about ‘ol Orville. Outside of, ya know, the thing he’s most famous for, he was more or less a decently progressive politician. Weird.

Nah, it’s like how you can be bad, or you can be bad. You know? You can be The Shit or you can be shit. If you ain’t a Steelers fan, you are shit because you clearly ain’t The Shit.

I guess none of them watched Happy Gilmore...

“drop” is not equal to “throw.” Nice try.

So, what really sets the Yinzers apart from your generic fat, stupid, drunk sport fans is that all of this isn’t good enough.

This is a very apt comparison. Much like a cooking haggis, for a while there Ben just kind of lazed around getting fatter, but eventually the casing couldn’t contain it any more, and the douchebag inside started oozing out for everyone to see.

Society is bad. FTFY.