just wanna put this out there:

I made $4,745 sitting on the sidewalk at Fifth Avenue and 59th Street since yesterday holding a place in line for Jesus who, if you've not heard, is coming back. To buy an Apple Watch on Fifth Avenue and 59th Street.

I just got word from a friend in private banking that there will soon be versions of this watch designed by:

Can I get a Godfather Part III?

And also, re these watches?

Watch! You're talking watches? I'm still trying to process Bill Cosby in silk pajamas talking on a dial phone from a Best Western in his Monday presentation to the media.

Thank you, Dietrich.

That goddamn site. Even though it's ugly and incomprehensible and barfs useless notifications at me, I keep using it. When I touch its stupid icon on my screen, it's a hate tap. It's a finger cringe. But I can't quit!

Sure. Now figure out how to get in touch with me outside of these comments, and we'll arrange it.

who's we? If you're a marching band, no. If you're less than five, probably.

I don't observe any holidays or birthdays.

Sorry, but for me, the skankier the better. That's the appeal. If you're expecting something you'd see in a movie, you'll never find it.

This is what i want for my wedding vows:

A German plane could have done that seven times in a row to Brazil's one.

I always use passwords that are incredibly perverted and have meaning to me only, such as:

I disagree with the Mets uniform colors. The orange is cool. The blue is too close to aqua. It needs to be deeper blue, more towards navy.

Nigger

I prefer the Glengarry Glen Ross mash-up where the tag line is:

Or you could use one of these. I saw it in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

"Tyler, Taylor, Jordan, Flynn...where are all these stupid boys names coming from?!?"