Hahaha imagine a world where fucking APPLE denounces/rebrands capitalism. That’s a laugh.

If Trump turned around and said that Wells Fargo and Bank of America were socialist, almost every branch in a red state would be on fire within a month. These people have no grasp of what words mean, and honestly neither does their admired leader. In fact, that’s part of the appeal.

Plenty of commenters have pointed it out here before. Trump could turn around and say “we need to stop this socialist control of healthcare, the greedy communist ideals behind student loans, and the bigly disaster that is energy policy. That’s why I propose Medicare-for-All, ending student debt, and a Green New Deal!”

Ha ha ha, you dumb bastard...

Unfortunately “mental instability” isn’t a crime, and neither is lying (unless it’s under oath), so we can’t get those under the impeachment umbrella.

Pffft. Hard seltzer is where it’s at right now.

“COFFEE BEER?! FUCK THAT SHIT! PABST! BLU—- oh wait.”

If there were a “department of cute puppies,” he would throw a tantrum upon finding out Cruella de Vil is a fictional character.

Because she’s being perfectly effective at her goal of destroying education, isn’t public enough to have gaffes or scandals, and Trump doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the department so she hasn’t come into conflict with him on a direct level like other staffers have. The closest she came to crossing him was that very…

Yep, people don’t read, but at least I can cover my ass and never have someone say “you didn’t explain that.” No, asshole, I explained it - YOU didn’t read it, and here are the receipts.

Still, is throwing the 48 cents change into the jar truly considered a “tip?” Come on.

“What are you in for?”

Oh, believe me, that disconnect has always existed. There is no such thing as an “in-touch marketing executive.” Ask any poor son of a bitch who’s had to answer customer complaints for a newspaper that added a new ad position, or that ‘the new guy on the radio sounds foreign’ because there was an on-air read from…

I get it. One of the reasons I prefer the written word am frequently derided for writing “long” e-mails. As in, communication in which I fully express the details and nuances of the issue at hand.

Outside of sporadic visits to family, I spent two summers living in Southern GA. Part of me is still waiting in line to pay for a sandwich and soda I ordered in 2004.

“Hey y’aaaaaaaaalll, boy, ah sure am in a pickle! This morning the dog done ran offt, the cat’s been yowlin’ up a storm I tell ya, little Susie-Ann been got the fever agin, and now the gall-durn phone actin’ up!”

My grandfather used to describe Southerners as “taking all day to say ‘shit’” and it appears you’ve really taken that to heart.

The last sentence you wrote is the only one that matters. She’s not texting her ‘besties’ or something. Whether we like it or not, she’s essentially one of the highest ranked people in the fucking White House right now.

I find morbid humor in imagining it being a really small yard, like he buried four and ran out of space.