There’s a very old saying - “There is no such thing as a ‘frigid’ woman. Only clumsy men.”

My albino is bringing me my Henrietta Pussycat as I shower now.

Yet another example of something that could be a joke on SNL, actually existing in real life. This is our world now.

Would you beat it to....my neighbor? 

It’s a beautiful day in...my bunk?

So was Twttr the original spelling, or did the whole platform get off to a great start with misspelling in the first ever tweet?

I don’t know which tweet is the worst, but I know Brad Anderson’s made me the saddest. Poor Brad, to have failed so completely at pleasing women that he assumes it’s because none of us enjoy sex. Oh Brad, and then to have owned yourself so completely and publicly. 

That tweet was, and continues to be, one of the most ruthless things I’ve ever read. I delight in it. 

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Best Tweet, however, was decided a long time ago.

Genuine LOL

i don’t even own a Vox

I will never, ever understand the appeal of twitter. I think I’m missing a gene or something. Why are people addicted to this, again? I have an account and check it about every three months, thinking ‘hey, maybe I was wrong and this will be fun.’ Nah. It’s bad. 

Still not as bad as “Instagram influencer.”

I want to lodge a formal objection and nominate the Anderson tweet for Best Tweet Ever. Such a glorious unintentional self-roast needs to be preserved for future generations to appreciate.

I hate ever tweet i see

Duh - the worst tweet ever is this one:

I liked Earth better when the only things that tweeted were your birds

“Twitter Celebrity”

I’m glad I’ve never heard of any of those people.