It doesn't beat:

lesson learned

My mother, to this day, says she's a virgin.

Maybe I should try putting one on MYSELF with my own feet. That would be an achievement worthy of posting on facebook.

I read that comment in the worst possible way.

And here I was using my eyelids like an asshole.

I have no problem with someone asking me where I from. If I tell you that I am from Mississippi, you just got the answer to your questions on my moorings, interests, comforts, and taboos. A person who continues to ask and starts getting into questions about parents and grandparents is not interested in getting to…

Hey Kyle,

They can whine all they want. I'd have trouble believe a white person gets treated like the first answer is unacceptable or a lie.

My brother-in-law is Mexican American, lives in Houston. Marrying into our fishbelly white family of affluent scientist types who live near Rice U in a Very Big House.

To everyone who is all, "I don't get why you're offended/annoyed. People are just curious!"

Ditto. People think I'm Israeli or Iranian or Greek or any number of other ethnicities. Their surprise at my being totally white (Germanic) doesn't really register with me anymore. Folks, people are people-shaped and therefore look like people, with all the variety that entails.

I belong to a religious minority, and recently had the pleasure of the following interaction at a friend's party (seriously it's probably the first time I've ever called someone out for saying discriminatory shit and I was disproportionately proud of myself):

I had a friend of over 15 years say to me the other day "but you're not X" when I was arguing the case for our local ethnicity (or, "How Not to Be a Racist"). "Erm, I AM ACTUALLY!" was my rather frustrated response. It's only a small fraction of my genetic identity, but it rather proved my point that you don't always…

I am white white white, but I'm actually also an immigrant and I hear ya, because people say craptastic things about immigrants to me ALL THE TIME because my whiteness makes them think I'm from suburban Illinois just like them. When I was in high school, I was messing around with one of my friends, who was Asian and…

Also: some not-so-brown people are actually brown people in disguise. Please be aware of this. They send us out to find out who says shitty racist stuff when we're not around.

It is sort of only kind of cool. My dad is from Russia and has maintained a pretty thick accent despite living here for 35 years. People will interrupt him in the middle of a conversation about something else to ask where he is from and he always gets shifty and uncomfortable. It is just frankly not relevant, and also…

The most annoying to me is, "What's your nationality?" when I clearly speak perfect American English. That offends the pedant in me more than it does the Chinese girl.

I'm sterile.

So all my sex is recreation.