"I'm sorry, my love. Please forgive a dying man. I just figured there were better ways to prioritize our entertainment spending; we still hadn't seen Hamil—" [death rattle, EKG flatlines]

They say you shouldn't keep secrets from your spouse, but I will not be telling my wife that I saw this newswire.

I think it's believable. Most people are careful with what they choose to see in a theater due to the cost. And since the Internet allows us to get a pretty good feel for whether or not a movie will be worth the price, we can avoid the true garbage movies. All of my bad movie-going experiences were pre-Internet or due…

For a recent one, I'll go with Lights Out. The movie should have ended after the first five minutes. The rest was just a pile of cliches and routine jump scares, and the ending made me leave the theater angry. But it was hot as balls outside and the theater was air-conditioned, so…

Lyric from FEEL.: "Friends is overrated."

Early impressions of DAMN.: better than TPaB. Kendrick seems…focused, to say the least.

John Mayer is one of the most tragic figures in pop music, to me. A guy with all the talent in the world and zero artistic integrity.

If you grew up in a boring small town that at least had a movie theater, you saw some pretty bad movies in the theater. Ghost Dad comes to mind.

This could be a fun game.

Obama routinely referred to it as "ISIL." And you know what? I think he did it in an effort to make ISIL the default name and to preserve a cool-ass name like Isis. Because that's the kinda guy he is.

Anyone know what Russian historical figure's monument that was, where Oleg was waiting in the park? I thought there was some subtext happening between that seated statue and Gabriel's visit to the Lincoln Memorial. Was it maybe Alexander II, who reigned at the same time as Lincoln and also "emancipated" the serfs?

"Hey, look, Calvin got a job."

It's not like he had a huge career full of successes, but he did create a few small moments that have brought me a lot of joy and laughter, and will continue to do so. RIP, and FYC (fuck yo couch).

Trump won't critique the book itself; he'll point to its dismal sales. Trump's entire worldview involves dollars, ratings, and popularity (he might even cite this AVC review; wouldn't that be something!)

I'm currently reading it. So far, it seems to be starting out with a good deal of slow world-building, but I trust it'll get down to some action soon enough. It's not a very thick book, so the plotting is kept pretty tight. I should also say that the world-building doesn't feel tedious, because she's just a goddamn…

Seems like he did it as a gag, however weird a gag it may be. But, you know, Internet gonna Internet.

I immediately think of all the No Limit album covers. Just the laziest shit ever. One template for every album. WordArt stretched and arched with a "bling" fill.

Or if you don't have a Korean restaurant in your town/neighborhood that's open in the morning, just be a normal person and go to CVS and get Pedialyte.

Wouldn't be the first time SNL has lifted concepts from other acts. It's definitely less than cool, but I'm starting to view SNL as the Kanye of the comedy world. They vacuum up ideas from lesser-known artists and repackage them in a big, shiny, high-profile product. They're more like tastemakers and arrangers than…

It's not a biopic. It's a comedy bit. McKinnon can play that particular character funnier, therefore she gets the job.