How to make a pizza taste horrible...

32oz double-wall insulated stainless steel canteen with a sealable lid that has a whole for a stainles steel straw with a rubber tip.

I slow roast a whole head of garlic with the top cut off in heavy cream. Then squeeze the melted garlic cloves into the potatoes and then use the cream. I’m going to try throwing some anchovies into that mix as it cooks.

“I didn’t want to bring children into a world where people had no sense of discretion or privacy and felt that they could meddle in other people’s business.”

Might as well chain smoke. Probably die of cancer anyway.

If you returned to gyms, hair salons, restaurants, and your own workplace when they reopened...you weren’t doing it right.

My upbringing was so miserable that I chose not to have children for fear of inflicting the same horrors on another generation.

Worst cultural appropriation since the summer of Indian headdresses at Coachella.

You have to make a profit in order to claim a business expense otherwise the IRS calls it a hobby and if you leasing a Chiron you definitely aren’t making a profit.

When you realize that voting information is public record and your friends don’t know you are a closet Trump supporter.

When you realize that voting information is public record and your friends don’t know you are a closet Trump supporter.

My apartment neighbors would go to their patio for a late night smoke and a chat. That meant that we a.) got their 2nd hand smoke and b.) were gifted with their brilliant late night, drug-fueled repartee.

I have a feeling what Trump is calling “prepay” is actually a loss carryforward, but that would require him to acknowledge his string of epic business failures, so his team has rephrased as a prepayment using the broadest possible definition of that term.

What’s the Vegas line on Trump pulling out a bullhorn and shouting down Biden, muted or not?

Blah blah blah (little hands)

Blah blah blah (not a winner)

One of two things will happen on November 3rd:

1.) Trump, without any supporting facts, will declare that he is massively ahead with in-person and absentee voting nationwide and that the election is over and that any “mail in” ballots are fraudulent and should not be counted and that he has ordered the USPS to hold…

If I was nearly eighty-year-old Joe Biden, I wouldn’t be caught anywhere near Donald “Super Spreader” Trump and his Entourage of Death.

If you have ever had a gender reveal party or hosted one for a friend or family member and think that you are a good person, you are dead wrong.

Every attendee could have been given ANOTHER Harley to stay home.

I assume that Sony will be refunding my purchase price since now the TV will be paying for itself in ad sales?