Peter Parker is the James I of superheroes - “the wisest fool in Christendom.”

Aargh. Deus ex Babel Fish.

“You’d better cut me into the royalties, you bastard!”

The turning point for CGI was when the FX squad realised they weren’t trying to imitate life, but come up with highly detailed cartoons.

“Never tell me the odds!”

Never has the answer, “err, nothing?”, ever been more appropriate...

Of course, all this ‘Tommy Atkins Gets Splatted’ acquires a certain poignancy when you consider what happens next. The Death Star zaps Alderan, killing millions, goes boom, wiping out thousands of grunts, then it gets rebuilt while scores continue to die during Empire... Then it is the fulcrum for a major space battle…

Some of the 4Chan conversations ranting on about Furiosa being a ‘C*nt’ just reminds us that the vast majority of these creatures will die virgins.

Stay away from James Caan, you monster!!!

Which makes the clone angle an interesting one. If it was a clone and not the original who died, where would that leave the latter? All sorts of existential antics could ensue. After all, Poor old Boba Fett’s brothers died in the millions during the Clone Wars...

Smart money - she’s been cloned. It would be a magnificent headfuck if it was the clone we saw in the film, and the real one is still locked up, unware of what’s happened.

those 2 are “star-dust”

Or he dies a tragic death from Dutch Elm Disease, and Star Lord ends up hitting the bottle, unable to forgive himself for taking the Guardians on that arboretum day trip, or the tree surgeon who promised he could save Groot, but lied. THE BASTARD LIED!!!

That’s one thing Star Wars has over Star Trek - it doesn’t have an annoying deus ex machina built into its very format, The Force notwithstanding

But what about all the cod sarcasm? Could anyone survive that?

One of them could be Rey’s mother...

Kangeroos, fam.

So it’s either a prequel, a clone or the character’s been binned.

Habeas corpus - if we saw her vapourised, she’s dead. If not, she turns up later, but how she got out of the situation could simply be an unanswered question. There, done. Or just make a prequel. Of a prequel.

Oh do lighten up, you joyless bastard.