Made the exact same face when I read his name is "Alexandrew."

My grandmother (in law, but she is better than my blood related grandmas so I'm claiming her as my own) recently moved into a retirement home. She called to chat and said "One of my friend's daughters told me about this equation in which a man's ideal partner is half their age +7 years. So I'm on the hunt for a foxy…

YOU CANNOT CONTROL THE PUSSY.

this is my opinion on lena dunham (bc i am on the internet a lot and i watch tv and i'm sorry but i have an opinion about lena dunham. i wish i were cool enough not to.):

Why did Kanye let her finish?

Have you ever considered that a woman may be doing that because she's been touched or rubbed on inappropriately on public transportation, and thus wants to put some distance between her body and yours? Also, next time you ride the bus or subway, pay attention to the guys for once. You'll be amazed.

I wrote in my friend Dave's graduation card...

(=^･ｪ･^=)(=^‥^=)(=^･^=)

Consent doesn't interest them. It's the same reason creepy misogynists troll Jezebel (and are losing their shit for having to be in the grey); there has to be an aspect of violating someone else's space (or privacy, or body) for it to be a real thrill.

So, if I'm understanding this correctly, Vogue was her public hit list and Madonna has been killing off everyone on it, slowly and methodically.

I'm THE gay.

This. My parents were pretty great at raising me as a whole person rather than just as a pretty girl, but for some reason my mom totally dropped the ball in the chore department. I was taught, expected, and made to help with dishes, bathrooms, vacuuming, dusting, and mopping—as any kid should be—but my brother? He had…

For two senconds I thought this was about Louis Theroux and I gave a shit. Btw, who isn't/hasn't been in love with Debbie Harry?

My cousin's wedding vows were "I love you more than I love tacos". Which made his wife cry, because she knows how much he loves tacos. It was fucking beautiful.

#NotAllWeasleys

You know, it's very easy to say we shouldn't be obsessed with virgins but if you know of another kind of blood with which to summon our dark lord upon the earth...I'm all ears.

Don't worry, sir. A cop heard about this YMCA mix-up and is on his way to assist. He's bringing back-up.

Was I the only person that saw Ash immediately? Also, I really should get back to work.

I was working retail at a huge department store chain one holiday season. One day right before Christmas, we had huge rush of people last minute shopping and the lines were incredibly long. I had been at my register for hours without a break because the line never would die down.