Don’t get riled, sugar.

You could try a Chinese bakery for a cake that’s not too sweet. A diabetic boss of mine always got cakes from one, and they’re really good while being way less sweet than your standard birthday cake.

FWIW, the place I work has iPads with Square readers, so the time between asking for the bill and walking out the door can be 15 seconds.

Can iOS steal Android’s keyboards now?

How often do you crash into people?!

I really hate these “he didn’t MEAN to hurt anyone when he threw someone off a building” defenses.

So why did he move to one of the worst?

Shit, I learned about Swishers when Cube & Kevin Hart went out with Conan.

Yeah, seriously. Nothing from HP or 2B, the 1B ump is positioning himself for the play at first… so when was the balk called?

Anyone who encourages enchiladas should be heralded.

The lead singer of the Pretty Reckless is Cindy Loo Who from the Jim Carrey Grinch.

We just watched it happen with the Giants, though. Shitty team in an old stadium can’t draw crowds. If you build it, they will come.

As a fan of the 103-win 1993 San Francisco Giants who lost the Western Division to Atlanta, I’m with you.

She rammed her car into another car three times and got a TICKET?!

“Yeast samples” via UPS.

My Catholic high school (c/o 2000) in California did the bags of flour thing, though it was part of an elective class because not everyone had to do it.

“It’s also strange that I can’t seem to find any other OCD geek like myself bitching about this; does nobody notice? Am I the jerk here? What’s going on?”

To be fair, it was probably the 200th night in a row someone asked him “how were you feeling out there tonight?” I’m amazed more athletes don’t go full Marshawn at these quote scrums.

“90 percent of all media is liberal biased”

Click his tag; he’s so awesome Deadspin covers him a lot.