[runs in, breathless]

Maybe they should!!1

This was a great write-up on a film I’ve always enjoyed. 

I await the NFL’s 2017-18 list of acceptable memes for player social media accounts.

She could just start a rumor that the girl was really a small man. There’s a way out of every situation if you’re willing to go low enough.

Well if you know of a method to reach someone by phone in Arizona, I’d like to hear it.

Not one fact that even points in the direction of your clam

Oh yeah? I heard he’s the fittest president in history, so up yours, Deadspin!

As of press time, Barry Melrose’s hair was still employed at ESPN.

That beard can’t save you now!

That’s definitely a shared virtue of Americans.

[posts selfie of me reading this post]

These takes are so terrible they make Bayless’s take sound OK. The first one, anyway.

“REG-GIE ... REG-GIE ... REG-GIE!”

That list is typical cop thinking. The LAPD once said a nightclub was the site of rampant drug use because they had a lot of bottled water on hand, for people dehydrated by ecstasy use.

Dude, fuck off.

I bet Allie Jones would take the gig.

Was she unaware there was a professional photographer standing right behind her, with a better camera?

oh, I know this! They do it to avoid it being automatically turned into an emoji image. I guess to maintain the purity of the colon-parenthesis combination.

A smart Republican would do this by threatening impeachment first. “Your other option is to resign, and we promise to hold our next dozen conventions at the Trump Plaza.”