That’s ridiculous. Simply get an air hockey table, reverse the blower underneath into a vacuum, and all your toasty crumbs will be suctioned away.

Harvard’s board of overseers, who give the administration its marching orders, consists mostly of bank execs, superstar faculty from other universities, and federal judges. In other words, people who have either guaranteed lifetime employment or several lives’ worth of fuck-you money. No surprise, then, that they…

Still beating this fake twitter dead horse, huh?

Multiple complete sentences in a row = not posted by Sarah Palin

Not bad. I figured it was Natasha Lyonne’s less-hard-living little sister.

Probably she refused to sleep with him.

Sure, “reader Greg,” if that really is your name. You “found” this box of hookah materials “already open” on your property. Just like the time I found my dad’s wallet in the car with all the cash missing.

I think the Giants don’t know. They blew another save and slipped farther into the hole.

I ate at a restaurant in LA that puts "ketchup leather" on their burgers. It's like a fruit roll-up made of ketchup. Maybe this is a cool foodie trend, but that was the first I'd seen it.

This is a good counterbalance to all the media out there that glorifies heroin use. Such as ... um ... gosh, drawing a complete blank here.

Hooray for the inanimate carbon rod!

Behold the eyes of a monster.

I’ve definitely seen worse in Pony ball. Saw a catcher (when I played) leap into the other batter’s box to catch an errant pitch, then throw his glove hand back over the plate, as if he just fell over on the side by himself and the pitch was a solid strike the whole time.

I am a man who only has a son, so I cannot related to this “women are persons” idea, sorry.

I had the same theory! The spiraling costs of college tuition could indirectly put Donald Trump in the White House!

Same. I think he turned into Dr. Oz when his kids were old enough to get into college and he got tuition sticker shock. Kids are the worst. Or, he’s just crazy.

“Sent from my iPhone” is the best part of Paul’s screed. I bet Steve Jobs is proud of that one.

DAMN

I was really expecting this to be about Smashmouth.

:-(