G/O Media went as far as to destroy Deadspin and here you are writing blogs that absolutely reek of Marchman. 

My father was the judge of a drug court. He told everyone who was in the program that they should do everything they can to avoid eating poppy seeds because a failed drug test is a failed drug test. It’s nearly impossible to determine whether the fail comes from poppy seeds or an actual opiate so don’t take the…

This is why you should never meet your heroes 

The fondant was inedible but it did act as a sort of shield and the actual cake and ganache were still pretty good.

I used the Hold on my son when he was a newborn and it worked like 80% of the time. The rest of these people are fucking twits. 

It’s because the bag also doubles as a container for vomit.

I’m 1997, I found a bee baked into the bread of my Subway sandwich .

Honeydew is like jazz: when it’s good it’s REALLY good, most of the time it’s mediocre but inoffensive, and when it’s bad, it’s REALLY bad. 

I lived in Red Hook for about two years before Hurricane Sandy hit and Defonte’s was one of my staples (and somehow I feel like I didn’t go there enough). In addition to the Potato and Egg, my favorite was the roast beef, fresh mozzarella, and thin sliced fried eggplant. That super thin eggplant was so GD good that…

I worked at Starbucks for five years at 6 or so different stores. Each time I moved, it was a few weeks before I knew most of the regulars drinks and/or food orders. 13 years after I quit, I still remember many of them: the lady ordered two croissants and wanted each one in its own handlebar; the lady who would make he…

Matzah Pizza is just proof that you are incapable of going a week without eating pizza. 

“Ah yes,” he said, “that’s to do with the day I finally realized that the world had gone totally mad and built the Asylum to put it in, poor thing, and hoped it would get better.”

De Blasio is from Boston and people from Boston are allergic to anything good. 

Double Stuf should be the standard Oreo.  Anyone who disagrees with this take is a terrorist. 

This increases the possibility that one good thing could come out of ordering from Papa John’s.

OK hear me out. Mrs. TSHU and I don’t really like Turkey. We spent two years living away from our home state and for one of them we couldn’t make it home for Thanksgiving. So we had Friendsgiving with some other Thanksgiving orphans and some folks who were living in that city from Canada and India. Nobody really had…

I also wish that I had more dollars than sense. 

YOU CAN HAVE YOUR BOOZE BACK WHEN YOU VOTE FOR THE DEM NOMINEE IN 2020

My whole life, my dad would call up the pizza place and order a large pie. It makes sense. It’s baked, it’s round, it’s cut into triangular slices. Then I went to the Midwest for college and called up the pizza place and ordered a large pie. The lady on the phone didn’t know what the hell I was talking about. “We…

Is pizza a pie?