Dolan and Jackson had to stay together - it would be too much work divvying up their hat collection.

Did some acid at a big hippie music festival and then had to buy water. The person could’ve demanded all my money for one ounce of water and I would have been powerless to resist.

Do this for others too. We did shrooms at my bachelor party and my brother was texting the entire time. Got me super paranoid.

This is my cat Guinness who died almost 5 years ago. She was the best cat ever and frequently used my wife’s head as a chin rest. Here she is sitting at the table like a proper lady.

Name one cuter cat than my cat. YOU CAN’T

Sameness problem. I used to wear new balance but now they’re the official footwear of the alt-right. FML

No one’s saying anything about this new Coke add so let me ask you...who’s the REAL RACIST?

Maybe its something about the name Tom (cough). SESTITO

“I want to move in there clean”

Silicon Valley douchebag thinks he can steal what belongs to others but expects the government to defend his own property rights against theft. Well I’ve got news for you buddy: the Warriors were up 3-1

The AP reports that the jerseys are currently in Boston being authenticated.

Can you guys set up a voicemail inbox where we can call in and shit on Marchman for his awful food takes and then play a few on each episode?

Galleria malls in particular are astoundingly ugly. The one in White Plains, NY is smack in the middle of downtown White Plains and is fugly. It enjoyed some good times, but since the fancy AF Westchester Mall opened, if you go there anytime other than weekday lunch time, you’re looking at a fairly good chance of…

I mean, Fuck Claude Lemeiux with a thousand dicks, but why does McCarty get lionized for sucker punching him?

I usually never talk shit about celebrities, but Ed Sheerhan is a wee ginger cunt.

I applied to and got rejected from Northwestern the year they went to the Rose Bowl (97). I think it was the hardest school to get into in the country that year. Also, I’m very dumb.

Citizens of different countries engaging in violent combat for the glory of their home nation. I think there’s already a term for that.

Oh yeah big time.

So bears going swimming is cute, but gators going fishing is scary? RAYCESS

At this point, I’m not even rooting for the Jets. I just root for the Patriots to lose.