Aziz Ansari is not funny, at all.

I mean, you really don't think a sports business reporter could be, y'know, reporting sports business news, instead of drawing a six-figure paycheck to rephrase PR emails?

People with his physicality and body count do not tend to be the victims in prison. But otherwise, your adolescent joke is ... still not funny.

More like Caroline Woznotexpectingthat!!!!11!

But, I just want the Spurs to smash the Heat in their mouths. Is that too much to ask?

"all we can do, in her sacrifice, is to make sure that it never happens again."

I reject the idea of horse racing. The end.

I've always wanted to know what it would be like to read Dr. Seuss in longform.

Grierson isn't getting a pizza roll

I live in Houston, I cant be crossing the street for every motherfucker with a face tattoo.

Dante Stallworth's car, but good luck.

People selling their rap CDs. "I am a cross between Macklemore and Jay-Z." Ok, well I am a cross between believing you are full of shit and not willing to part with $10.00.

The only team who could have beaten the spurs this year was the Mavericks. I'm calling another Spurs championship.

What the fuck is conservative about this particular issue (whether the NFL has responsibility to have ethically behaving doctors)? What does conservative even mean to you? Not every issue is this binary political question where we all pick either R or D each time, jackass.

Big deal, Packers' players have been pounding the Vikes for 60 years.

There are two reasons I got married. My spouse is awesome and dating is terrible. Why would anyone want to go on dates again?

Magary???

I used to kind of hate this guy until this moment. Then it happened. Now all I think is "troll on, you magnificent bastard"

I never gave a shit about Manziel until I read the post on the Patriots evaluation. Now I want him to be the second coming of Joe Montana. Because fuck the Patriots.