Great story.

So when do we get to the good candidates?

I understand that this is a difficult time, but I hope they take heart from the wise words of the last real president of the United States:

Best of luck to you Mr. Wu-Tang Clan

How should America address immigration going forward?

Foreign Policy

But what if it’s viable but hasn’t been born yet?

“The baby would then be taken to a big happy farm, with lots of other babies, and dogs, and all sorts of cute animals where it gets to play forever!”

Ya’ll just mad ‘cuz she’s gonna be the first woman president.

Oh.  What’s it mean then?

So...this bill in VA would let you starve a newborn baby to death?

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go hide the Chardonnay.”

“Aren’t you that faggot Empire nigger?”

No, lots of Trump supporters are really into Empire.

Has there ever been anyone so appropriately named?

The ladies down at the community center call him a little bitch after he leaves.

I wont tell you how to defend your home, you don’t tell me how to defend mine.

Given what you think buckshot does to someone, I’m glad you don’t have a firearm too.

“Give us your money!”

Good to know that if/when Splinter gets dissolved, Jack here has a promising career over at AskMen.com