Rice Krispie treat pumpkins are banned in Houston because men might use them as tiny breasts to sneak into the ladies room.

She might as well post a video of her with her fingers in her ears and loudly yelling “LA LA LA LA”.

Yoko Ono IRL Moment: I once asked my bff what her fave color was. First, she said, “Light!” and I asked if she needed me to explain the science behind colors. Ok, ok, she says, “Uhhhmm....glitter!” No, dear, glitter is not a color. “Well, then...” finally she decides, “I like rainbow!”

...sigh, never mind. Shine on,…

Clearly Dr. Ruth meant to put out two different tweets, because a threesome with a sandwich is highly recommended.

Just a shot in the dark, but the trouble with Loki is, he’s really smart, and when he’s bored, he starts acting out. It starts with a (from his POV) snarky sense of humor, and then escalates as the story goes on.

Eleanor Boozevelt is my hero.

18th and 19th century ladies clearly had the equivalent of a porn buddy...someone who, in the event of your death, would quietly sneak over and dispose of anything undignified before anyone else goes through your things.

Or just sharpie it.

I don’t speak to my mum and I would totally want a rental mum.

Have you ever wanted to say horrible shit about people with different sexual preferences and identities than you while still trying to appear tolerant? Now you can! From the people who brought you “I’m not racist, but...”, it’s the all new “I’m all for gay rights, but...”!

I don’t see a lot of positive replies in your future.

maybe they're born with it, maybe it's socialised privilege?

See, I think you’ve stumbled on the likely explanation. This is a bar where patrons may order that drink, and the bar is unwilling to confront those customers, yet also unwilling to completely embrace their unregenerate racism: hence the peculiar reticence of the ****. They’re saying to their bartenders, if someone…

I think it would be more startling in the daylight. Have you ever been to one of your favorite bars in the morning (likely to pick up the credit card you left at the bar the night before)? Bars look SO sad in the harsh sober morning light.

The cleaning staff were aspiring performance artists commenting on the disposable nature of culture.

An office job.

So... are we letting Legally Blonde 3 Tokyo drift out of the canon, or what?

My manager finally comes over and informs me that she is removing the gratuity from the bill.

I believe I can speak for all of us when I say, “Fuck Church Groups”