Iced tea now but I’ll probably switch to wine or possibly just chloroform myself at like 9:30

i immensely enjoy the appelation of #kidstable for this first debate, but it falls flat on its face when that means we’d have to call the second one #grownupstable, cuz, ha ha.

Bootstraps, right? Isn't that the correct answer? Or is it free market? My ladybrain confuses these things.

he better not. i am not rushing home for that man to attempt sense and composure.

Who knew the internet had such a thriving dingus population?

How are this many people so new to the internet? And how did they end up on Kitchenette as their Orientation Day site?!

i am so excited.

This has happened to me! I clean an office building during the day and at night I come in and clean the restrooms and mop the lobby. Around the time I started, I was mopping the lobby as people were ending their shift. One grouchy old lady mutters over her shoulder in my general direction, “GREAT, wet floors as we’re…

I don’t think it’s dementia. She may have been expecting other IHOP patrons to rise up with her and run these gosh darn no good Spaniards out of America. Except she came off as one of my rambling middle aged relatives on facebook, all caps lock and run-on sentences in verbal form.

Make a note, anti-Spanish people: The US has no official language. It’s a fact. Also, if you have a problem with people speaking Spanish, you should probably leave California, and maybe just go ahead and leave the US altogether. Lots and lots of people speak Spanish here, probably because a huge portion of this…

“Shut up! You’re stupid!”

She needs a “sure, Jan.” A plastic “sure, Jan.” Whomp whomp.

Maria Shriver said the same thing.

Or Nana!

#teammilesteller

after whiplash i have a crush on miles teller and i can’t emotionally or psychologically handle it

Are they all hiring their Nannies from Tinder?

Joaqa Joaqa.