It’s similar to their strategy for ending poverty: “Stop being poor.”

That explains it. Earlier today, someone tweeted that 97% of Planned Parenthood care is low-cost or no-cost, and I wanted to check that number before retweeting, but all their pages returned as unavailable. I thought, “How weird. Such a long-standing organization!” They’ve had a Web presence as long as there’s been a…

I always wanted a selfie where my mouth was slick and shiny with chicken grease and my eyes show defeat. Can I get one with me just picking the skin off and eating that? Always assuming the horror of that scene will show up on film.

“It’s an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was the most intelligent species occupying the planet, instead of the third most intelligent. The second most intelligent creatures were of course dolphins, who, curiously…

My aunt administered the first PP in this area in the mid-1960s. And I will say now what she said then, “What stupid bastard is against Planned PARENTHOOD?”

Goodbye Anthony. You will be missed.

The thing is, he’s not wrong. That emoji pretty much sums up the Republicans’ alternative to any liberal thing they don’t like.

Yeah but we have the power to kill ants. RIP Antony...

At least he died doing what he was indifferent to.

“The clinic charges $90, but my cousin knows a guy who has a tank of frozen liquid nitrogen and will do it for $45.”

Hey! We Olds gave you the internet! Get off my fucking lawn!

Also, knees. I would love to be a crazy runner person, but my knee literally cannot handle it. Though to be honest most of the draw for me is that those people always seem so HAPPY. Pretty fucking manic, but so happy about it. #lifegoals

Senator Whitehouse is on to something. Republicans oppose the Affordable Care Act, but when asked what they would replace it with the answer is \_(ツ)_/. The GOP says the VA is broken, their plan to fix it is \_(ツ)_/. Some Republicans are running to all available media to say that the Iran deal is horrible, and instead…

I realize ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ might have posted a few controversial comments, but being killed by Congress in response just seems to be governmental overreach to me.

I know. At first I thought “what? senator guy killed a loveable jezebel commenter? how? huh?” Ohhhh.

I call shenanigans on this. Seriously, if this worked all of us Chicagoans would look like supermodels. All of them could save their money and just spend a winter in Chitown instead.

This is definitely the beginning to a horror movie where Darrell Hammond as the Colonel appears in every photo, right behind you, just before you are murdered by Darrell Hammond as the Colonel.

Thumbs?

It’s 106 outside right now. I would not turn down a free sample.

Here, have a memento of your shame.